Wednesday, September 29, 2004

rock AND roll


101404
Originally uploaded by tankguy.
This is what I do when I'm not being a stay at home Dad.

Thursday, October 14th
Hard Rock Cafe, Newport Beach
11:00PM

Absurdity Bar Lowered EVEN Further!



Click here to read the cnn story. My version is here.

STINKYTOWN, TX

ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE NOW WORSHIPPING FLOTSAM. A fiberglass statue of Jesus washes up on the banks of the Rio Grande and immediately the residents of the town (real name Eagle Pass) are desended upon by waves of 'Pilgrims' who recognize this as a miracle. Across the water in Piedras Negras, MEX the population is (surprise!) largely Roman Catholic and have dubbed the 5 foot statue, (and this is not a joke) "The Christ of the Undocumented,"

"Jesus Christ manifests himself in many places, but he showed himself here in the way of an undocumented migrant," said Marta Ramirez, a spokeswoman for the city's Our Lady of Refuge Church.

"An undocumented migrant, MADE OF FIBERGLASS!! This is not a miracle, crazy lady!" said Toby Wallwork, a spokesman for The Smart Patrol.

"We think it's appropriate to place it in a special chapel." added Ramirez

"I agree" added Wallwork "Right next to the two headed snake, and the potato that looks like Nixon!"

"That's a burn" he added after a pause

EDITORIAL: What is going on here? Any unexpected appearances of the Messiah make me a bit nervous (as a heathen AND a Reverend I figure I've got my bases covered, but still...). I can't help but think that the more signs of the divine that people claim to see, the more removed for the events of the day these people are becoming. As funny wacky things suddenly become symbolic, or signs of bigger movements I cannot help but think that people (and in this case, the undocumented workforce - a vital asset to this country) are becoming more and more disenfranchised from the American dream. If I was more of an edumacated person I'd probably make the assertion that sightings of Jesus going up, means consumer confidence going down.

MIRACLES = TROUBLE

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Begin Your Day With A Smile


CoolerThanYou
Tossed up by numbersix.

Zoberman

David Ira Zoberman
Zoberman
Tossed up by numbersix.

Boobtooth?

I was able to grab this from a bluetooth cameraphone that was wide open. I only got about 90 photos from the camera. So you know I'm gonna share some more
Boobtooth?
Tossed up by numbersix.

Friday, September 24, 2004

From The Friendly Skies

So I'm jetting over the middle of the country, and I'm listening in style...
iPod
Tossed up by numbersix.

There's nothing I can do.


I'm a slave to the cheese.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Well That Was Totally Worth It!

Since my film for the NYC thing got the ol'kick to the crawdads I haven't been too interested in visiting their crummy site.

MISTAKE

It seems that "Until The Angels" did get an award after all!

click here and scroll down to see the great news.

Alas, no money. So poo!

tw

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Dear George

Dear George Lucas,

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away lived a geeky little girl who loved three movies dearly. These three movies, which formed a trilogy by the name of Star Wars were first concieved in the late 1970's when American Cinema arguably jumped the shark. Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi were fun adventure movies in space, with ground breaking special effects, some campy acting, and a totally compelling storyline about good vs. evil and the internal struggles we all face in life. It also had kickass alien characters like Yoda and Admiral Ackbar. This little girl, let's just call her ME, spent oh a better part of her days watching these original movies over and over again until frames of film were imbedded on her cornea, and she could recite most of the films on cue.

{I don't like you either. You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.}

The remasters that were released on VHS in 1990 were terrifically exciting. The picture looked clearer, the sound was better, I was thrilled!

Then came 1997. The Special Editions. All three movies brought back to the big screen for the first time since their original release!! I had seen the last two in the theatre but was only old enough to really remember watching Return of the Jedi in wide eyed awe. But George, you just weren't re-releasing them and remastering them, you were adding a few things here and there, changing things to the way you say you really would have done them back in the day. But I trusted you George and I respected you, and I didn't doubt you for a minute.

Until I saw the Special Editions that is....

{LUKE: Uncle owen, this units got a bad motivator UNCLE OWEN: Hey what are you trying to push on us?!}

Ok so you had added a couple creatures here and there on that desert planet that Luke lived on, that's cool, even some more in Mos Isles - but then there came the initial first horrorible grievance. Han Solo no longer shoots Gredo first! Because he's such a good guy?!?! What happened to the "scoundrel" that you, I and princess Leia loved so much? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

From there it only gets worse, Empire being the best one (which might I remind you - you neither directed or wrote!) was left relatively unscathed, but then came Jedi, which you screwed up even more. What with changing the number in Jabba's palace, messing up the freaky sand pits, and then not only adding the shots of the cities at the end but irrevocably removing the moving rendition of "Nub, Nub" as sung by the ewoks in the touching campside celebration! George how could you do this to me? You broke my heart! You ripped a piece of my childhood from my soul!

GEORGE YOU FOOL.

{Leia: Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!}

After this things only got worse. Episodes I and II, were, well......I'll leave that for another letter. George, you left me with two bastard children that I feel compelled to defend from naysayers out of a sense of aborted loyalty, but children that I am too ashamed to even welcome into my own home.

But my heartache was not over. When I first heard the "good news" about the release of the DVDs. I thought well this is it. Many directors have their "director's cuts" on DVD, but they also have the theatrical release available. Remember Spielberg your old buddy? He did his thing with E.T. but he still had the theatrical release on there.

But did you do the sane and rational thing? No. You bungled everything up once again! No, you said. No, you selfishly declared. These are my movies, and I decide what to do with them! Star Wars is not a democracy! Well gee George I'm sure Stalin would be proud of your evil conniving ways, but I'm sure even he would want the original versions on DVD!

But the horror only continues I find, because not only are you not releasing the originals, but you are changing them even more then the "Special" editions. Because you need to make all six "films" seem cohesive. So you get a new Bobafat voice, and you change dialogue between the emperor and Vader in Empire. You even add a gungin at the end of Jedi declaring "WEESSAAA FWEEEE." Even the original artwork has been pushed aside for hideous graphics that imitate the DVD's of "those which shall not be named"

So Lucas, on this day that geeks everywhere are lining up to make you even more money, I choose to defy you! I will not give in to the dark side, because the force is strong with me. And if Star Wars isn't a democracy, then I'm moving to another star system!!!

Release the original films on DVD or die. It is a simple request.

I leave you with these thoughts of a once and great philosopher. For I think they apply to you.

"For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless."
- Master Yoda


Sincerely,

a former fan.

P.S. Have fun fucking up Indie 4.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Back by popular demand. Cheese Friday!!!


I'm so happy I could cry, but I won't.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Something To Check Out

My second day in Chicago is documented in this very visual posting:
HERE

Toby

I am in pain.

The number one reason why you should never go, "commando".

ZIPPERS!

Toby On Tour 2004 Day 1, Part 2

Nels met me at O'Hare. I haven't seen that airport in 10 years and I could go another 10 with no problems. I must admit that being back in Chicago did give me a bit of a giddy feeling.

TRAFFIC makes that feeling go away. Like a native would, Nels knows all the tricks. Most of these tricks seem to involve small, narrow poorly maintained streets and a large population of people who have no respect for the awesome damage that a Ford Ranger could wrench upon their little bodies. What we in California describe as jaywalking, has been elevated to a new and horrific level. Competitive Road Blocking. All you need to play is a metal plate in your head and none of the sense that was in your head before the plate was installed. Nels traversed the potholes like a pro, but to my dismay refused to hit any of folks who were "Just asking for it".

PLANNING is not my strong suit, ask anyone. Go ahead, I'll wait.

PLANNING is not my strong suit. However I think I can see a plan and tell you where the holes are. Today I was a hole spotting, patch'em-up fool. And then we got an e-mail from Dean Richards, the entertainment reporter from Channel 9!!!!

BRIEF SIDENOTE: If you were in Chicago in the 80's.... Channel 9 for craps sake!! networks rise and fall but Channel 9? Empire carpets jingle... "588 2300 EMPIRE!!" and the "Kids of Chicago, havin' a good time, they're all watchin'... CHANNEL 9" jingle have their own rooms in the soup bowl that is my mind.

SO, Channel Freakin' 9 might want to cover the festival. I had carpet bombed Chicago's media outlets last month with little success. There was talk of a guest appearance on Kup's Show but it fell through since Irving R. Kupcinet passed away last November (if you aren't from Chicago, that joke went WAY over your head, but if you know who Joe Franklin is, you get the idea).

IT'S 3:30 local time (only 1:30 on my coast) but I'm really tired. Maybe its because I'm trying to kick this sore throat, maybe its just because I've had a lot stuff to do. It might be the strange relief from the stress of the last few... daysweeksmonthsyears... I don't know. But I do know that tomorrow I'm gonna meet Dean Richards from Channel 9, a few photos will be taken (I don't know Dean, but CHANNEL 9!!!) and then I'm just gonna stop by WTTW Chicago's PBS affiliate and drop off a few comp passes for the folks that make Image Union, a show that blew my mind at the tender age of 12 or 13 when staying up after Dr. Who was a bold endeavor. Right now I feel like Abe Frohman, the Sausage King of Chicago (insert your filthy jokes if you wish), not even Edward J. Rooney can wipe the grin from my face.

AND I am exausted, so please forgive the typos.

toby

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Toby On Tour, 2004 Day 1

Title: From John Wayne Airport (SNA) 7:52am

Posting may be delayed due to lack of modern necessitiies!
No free Wifi AND the indignity of additional security!
Flying has truly become a pain in the butt. At least I was really early.

Jason T. was a lifesaver, giving me a ride to the airport (what was I thinking I was gonna do?) he even stopped by McDonalds so now I've got a wicked case of the coffee sweats. That must be why I was pulled for an additional security check. The check was painless but I had to wait for ages because the couple in front of me (combined age 204) had so many body parts that had been replaced by titanium that the security guys couldn't do a complete scan of me without getting false positives from them. This is not a joke, all the security folks were rolling their eyes, trying to find a loophole that would allow them to just roll the couple along without punching their boarding passes. Mind you it didn't help matters that the lady in the couple (at their age I would just have to take her word for it) thought they were going to Atlanta, whereas the man (ditto on the ID thing) thought they were going somewhere else and the person who dropped them off had already left (no doubt to make sure that the life insurance policies were up-to-date).

Toby

UPDATE: Guy has just informed me the air traffic over the southland has been frozen or diverted, looks like I was lucky to get out when I did.

Monday, September 13, 2004

FLASH: Sucker Steals MY Identity - Ha Ha Ha!

THIS JUST IN:
I just got a call from George at my bank. Really nice guy but it seems that we're always talking when it's bad news.

Usually I'm overdrawn and George is nice enough to assume that I made a small bookkeeping error and we fix it right up. This time George was delivering the bad news. I am the victim of identity theft.

My debit card (what I carry in lieu of cash) may have been compromised and has therefore been cancelled. My new card will arrive right around halfway through my trip to Chicago or more accurately, right in the middle of me not being able to get it.

This means that except for a $20 bill that Craig gave me for my birthday, I have no cash or access to it on the eve of my big trip. GREAT

Not that there is any money in my account anyway but now the checks that I am waiting for, and hoping Guy can deposit in my absence, will contain funds that are off limits until this is resolved.GREAT

George also mentioned that there may be as many as 5 or 6 million victims in this particular case, since it seems databases has been compromised.GREAT

I only hope that SBC and Nextel are as prosaic about this turn of events as I am, because I can't pay them, GREAT

tw



Saturday, September 11, 2004

I don't know why I am bothering, but...

Friday has come and gone and one thing is seriously vexing me.

Yo, what happened to the cheese?

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I, the Jury...

13 months ago I sat on a Jury, it had been about 2 years since the last time I had sat on a jury. I'm all for civil duty, responsibility to the body politic and what-have-you, but I think I'm carrying someone else's load too.
The thing that really blows is that to get out of it you have to admit that you are and idiot (which so far I refuse to do) or that sitting in judgment of your fellow will create an unfair economic burden on you because you are practically destitute (while this is true in my case, it is also private none o'yer damn business kind of information and what's it to ya, judge?).
Meanwhile I know full well that many of The Thursday Knights have never served on a jury and have never even been called.


What gives?

juryD
Tossed up by numbersix.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Mr.Pickles the Drunk Birthday Monkey Says...

"EEK! EEK!"

What did you expect, some deep philosophical birthday message? He's a monkey for crying out loud.




Hey, two of my favorite things! Monkeys in clothes and knowing my friends are older than me.


Happy Birthday, Guy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUY!!

Please take a second to click on 'Comments' and leave a special message for our friend, Guy Julian who is having a birthday today, September 2nd.

tw

guy_cut
Tossed up by numbersix.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004