Monday, October 31, 2005

Makes House Party 2 Look Like House Party 3

When Martin Lawrence is not the craziest guy on the set... you got problems.

Character Witnesses Called In Phil Spector Trial

Neil Gone WIld

Yeah I know it's a week late. It wasn't work friendly and this was the first chance I had to work on it.

Happy Philloween

The Nebraska Board of Tourism is considering a new advertising campaign.

Submitted by: Tony "Accidental Tourist" Hope

I am the poster boy- Mr. DNA

Disco Phil

Photoslop Monday: Happy Halloween!!!

In honor of Halloween I give you this piece of work:

We had a great response last week. Keep up the good work.

There has been some demand for me to "pick a winner", so I'm going to try and figure out a way to judge the submissions. If not this week then definitely next week.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PST. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Cheese Friday: Cheeeeeeese

So... I think you can tell, I've got nothing.

Happy Cheese Friday.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

It's Official!

Mrs. DNA has a "bun in the oven". She's approx 13 weeks. We heard the heartbeat Monday. Mr. Kane listened to the heartbeat of his future sibling too, although he didn't find it any more interesting than the dust bunny in the corner of the Doctor's office. I'll post more progress reports in the coming months. I can tell you're all on the edge of your seats, waiting...

I'm now expecting my second kid. Does this mean I'm a 'grown up'?

-Mr. DNA (knows how to make a baby)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

'New' Tank Line-up, Not Without Controversy

"Going in a different direction" barely begins to describe the stunning new line-up change undertaken by local pop band 'The Tank'.

In a brief press conference today at a nearby Chuck E. Cheese's, Neil Diamond was presented as the band's new 'Co-Lead Singer'. The band seemed united behind Diamond, 64 who expressed excitement at the "new opportunities and far out jam sessions" that the future presents.

"Who ever heard of a 'Co-Lead Singer? This is total baloney sausage!" was yelled from a Cadillac Escalade hastily leaving the press conference. It was not immediately clear who was speaking.


By Eric Benderhoff
Cowtip Gazette
Published October 24, 2005

Famed songwriter and musician Neil Diamond seen here with arresting Officer Krumhold, was the subject of Cowtips first high speed chase. While out joyriding in his new Volkswagen Beetle, Mr. Diamond was clocked at a whopping 53 mph, far exceeding the maximum posted speed limit of 35.? Officer Krumhold pursued Mr. Diamond for almost 10 minutes before having to use extreme force to bring the pursuit to an end.? When asked for comment, Mr. Diamond replied "Are you kidding me?!?"

Submitted by Tony (expletive) Hope

keep 'em comin', and I'll keep on postin' - Mr. DNA

neal diamond: zombie hunter!

Submitted by "Unknown!"

You submit 'em, I post 'em. - Mr. DNA

A holiday message from Neil & Mr. Gimp

Seasons Greetings everyone! Mr. Gimp and I wish our fans all over the world a joyous and merry holiday season. We are sending this message out early to include our Wicca brethren on this, the eve of the Rites of Samhain.

As many of you already know, on November 8th my new album will be released and Mr. Gimp and I will embark on an eighteen-month world tour. The new album is my most ambitious in many years. It's a concept double LP recorded with the London Symphony Orchestra. Based entirely on the writings of Alistair Crowley, it is entitled "Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn Part One". Mr. Gimp and I are very proud of this work and hope that fans new and old will embrace it. Make sure to come see the show when the tour reaches your town. We will forgo playing any of my old songs so that "Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn" can be reproduced on stage in its entirety. Mr. Gimp has designed some fantastic new costumes and the all new, $50,000,000 stage, light, and pyrotechnic show, designed by master illusionist Criss Angel, is the most spectacular ever conceived.

After nearly a decade of ups and downs since my divorce, I look forward to this new chapter in my life with renewed confidence and enthusiasm thanks, in no small part, to Mr. Gimp and my new friends in the Pagan and BDSM community. I hope that you too can spend the holiday season in the firm, warm tight, embrace of your loved ones as well.

Neil & Mr. Gimp

(This was the final public press release made before Mr. Diamond's tragic autoerotic asphyxiation accident in Bangkok Thailand Oct 21st, 2005)

Submitted by Scott (Mr. Gimp) Francisco

Monday, October 24, 2005

The rumours are true! Neil Diamond ate a Chipwich from Hitler.

That's right folks you heard it here first. In a shocking turn
of events a rumour denied for decades turns out to be the Stone Cold* truth. Pop sensaton Neil Diamond ate a Chipwich with Hitler. It was just last summer that a cocky Mr. Diamond flatly denied this with the soon to be legendary quote "A Chipwich with Hitler? I would rather
suck a Crocodile's dick!". When news hit the street Neil's 27 night sold out stand at the Staples center plummeted to 26 sold out shows. No word yet on how this will hurt Mr. Diamond financially but during a conference call he did have this to say "Sure it has hit me in the pocketbook but what can I say I'll be the only Hobo with Gold plated nuts." When asked why he was not very apologetic he replied"I'm just an ordinary man just like you and I puts my pants on one leg at a time. So any way you slice it Bigfoot was a Fag!". It was at this point that a rookie reporter asked if he meant Bigfoot the truck or Bigfoot the dude from the woods that Mr. Diamond ended the conference call.

*Not to be confused with Brian Bosworth's best film ever.

happy halloween

Photslop Monday: The Diamond

In honor of Neil's, Rick Ruben produced, album that will be released on November 8th.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PDT. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Cheese Friday: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Cheesetrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Cheese. Lots of Cheese.

Neo: Whoa.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Rocky VI: My Dinner With Clubber

The first scene of Rocky 6 has already been shot. Aparrently Rocky and Clubber are reunited after a seating mistake at The Olive Garden. When somebody skimps on the tip and Rocky is accused of being The Italian Cheapskate, the gloves go back on their gnarled arthritic hands and the fight is on.

thePrisoner (would wait for the DVD on this one)

Official Title Released!!

This will be a kick-ass film / a Survivor fan's wet dream

Monday, October 17, 2005

It's official! Rocky vs. Moons Over My Hammy for the heavyweight title

The wait is over. On October 22, 2006 beloved Denny's sandwich Moons Over My Hammy gets it's title shot against the Champ Rocky Balboa. Eagerly anticipated after an arrogent My Hammy called out Balboa during the post fight press conference of Balboa's dominating win over the McDLT. Who could forget the great quotes from that night. First came this scorching statmement from My Hammy "You call that a win? McDLT was so washed up it couldn't avoid handjob from Rip Taylor!" to which the champ replied "My Hammy will go down faster than a dairy queen waitress" and "You're a glorified grilled cheese and I'm a Monte Fisto". This will be a barn burner and on the undercard a rematch between Charles Nelson Reilly and The helicopter from Riptide.

Rocky <3?

"This is from the original ending on Rocky III. For some reason it didn't test well."
-submitted by Scott Francisco

Let's Get Ready to Crumble!!!


This was supposed to be a secret. My vegetarian brothers will be pissed!

Resistance is futile, meaters!!

thePrisoner (likes to make Hot Pot Food Tasty)

Photoslop Monday: Rocky VI ?

It looks like our buddy Sly will be making Rocky VI. There are rumors that Mr. T will make a comeback in this film. Damn.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PDT. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Toby gives Wal-Mart the old "thumbs way down"

I know we keep our politics out of the Smart Patrol as a rule, but by golly I gots to speak out on this.

Boing Boing: Wal-Mart photofinishing narcs out student who made anti-Bush poster:
Wal-Mart photofinishing narcs out student who made anti-Bush poster
Wal-Mart called the police on a high-school student who brought in a pic of a homemade anti-George Bush poster for photo-finishing. The Secret Service went to the kid's high-school and confiscated the poster.

I'm not interested in grading this kid's art project (if I were it would be a C at best). Here's a little something I think applies here:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

So add me to the list of Wal•Mart bashers, not for the trash that shops there, but for the trash that works there.

thePrisoner (has read the bill of rights, so should you)

Friday, October 14, 2005

Cheese Friday: One ton of Cheddar cheese disappears.

Submerged cheese vanishes in fjord

LE BAIE, Quebec, Oct. 11 (UPI) --

A Quebec cheese company has lost 1 ton of Cheddar it sank in a fjord as an experiment, and not even divers have been able to find it.

Last year, cheesemaker Luc Boivin of La Fromagerie Boivin in Le Baie lowered the enormous Cheddar 150 feet into the Saguenay fjord, north of Quebec City to experiment with the pressure, cold and moisture.

But the cheese has disappeared.

Neither high-tech locating equipment not divers have been able to find it, and Boivin told the Globe & Mail he's written it off as a $50,000 loss.

However, Boivin said he still believes in the project, and within the next few weeks, will drop another load of cheese in a stainless steel, submarine-type vessel into the bay.

But this time, he's taking no chances -- the Cheddar will be outfitted with a tracking device.

Copyright 2005 by United Press International

Thanks to Sean and Steve for the info.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Another Vote For The Video iPod

You don't want to know what they do to you at this place when you lose your membership card.

To fully appreciate this photo imaging that the space between the L and the I of flicks is in fact one letter (hint: the letter 'u'). Sorry to explain the joke, but otherwise there would be a large number of quickly banged -out "I don't get it"s in the feedback.

thePrisoner (downloading for safety)

I Want A Video iPod

and I can actually buy episodes of Lost!! Yikes how lame am I that buying tiny episodes of Lost is exciting?
I think I'm gonna put a Paypal window on the blog and start collecting donations.

thePrisoner (ain't got no TV)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Ten Frames of Yacht Rock, no gutters

But is it smooth? Oh so smooth!

thePrisoner (Flyin' to the danger zone)

Don't Ask Because I Don't Even Know...

Where this masterpiece came from.

I call it "The Tandy Wauble Project".

I need more sleep.

Loggin and Teste this out.

Monday, October 10, 2005

You take the good you take the bad you take it all and there you have the facts for a copyright lawsuit

The first mate of smooth rock Mr. Kenneth Loggins files copyright lawsuit against former Facts of Life star Geri Jewell. Geri released her album of Jazz standards "Keep the Fire" in the summer of 2003 a good 27 years after Mr. Loggins released his own "Keep the Fire" in 1976. When contacted Ms. Jewell stated "Who in God's apples is Kenny Loggins? Was he the one who sang Cool it now?" Upon hearing the quote Kenny responded with a hearty "That was New Edition bitch!" After it was explained to Geri who New Edition was and that there was actually no Old Edition and to rest assure New Edition was in fact the only Edition she simply gave our field reporter the "Finger" or in her case "Fingers" which in turn was the gang sign for the "Hawaiin Gardens Sharpies" which in Cudady is grounds for a beating by "Camp Cudahy" the 4th toughest gang in southeast Cudahy. She was pulvarized into what one bystander remarked as "A melted albino twix bar".

Photoslop Monday: ...but is it smooth?

Let's move away from headline news this week and take a trip back in time...

"A hit machine with the heart of a rock and roller. Unfortunatly he's trapped in a prison of gentle grooves"

I know this will be the toughest Photoslop Monday to date, because the picture is already perfect.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PDT. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address

Sunday, October 09, 2005

To Get You In A Mood

With Halloween coming up and Tony's drunken rampage through greater Costa Mesa at it's end, I thought it would be time to post these.

Though they may not be extra special awesome (well kind of awesome) these actual Halloween costumes (for kids) from years gone by are nonetheless... um .... well ... real.

Behold the roots of many irrational fears and obsessions:

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Nothing says HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Tony Perija like big ol' tits

I send this bithday greeting to that brisket loving Master of the melons Tony Perija. This lovely lady tried to call you earlier as proved beyond a shadow of a doubt by this picture but you were not home. Not to mention this is Playboy Playmate Neriah Davis who holds a rather lofty position in the boobs rolodex that hogs what is 94% of Tony's mind. Unfortunately this kitten was shot in the face while securing the go ahead for this phone call and that guilt is all on you. On a side note your guilt should be short lived as this kitten's name was "MR. HITLER".

Movie Review: Waiting...

Ok, so the movie is not great, but I paid $8.50 and I'm okay with it, so if that's a hit, bully for you Rob.

The real story is that as well as being his first film, Waiting... may be writer/director Rob McKittrick's last film. The story is as colorful as the language used to tell it, so I'll let Rob tell it himself with this snipped from his personal blog...

Rob McKittrick - Blog:
Here's the set-up for the clip: Basically, I wanted Luis to cheer the character "Calvin" on by saying "You can do it!" (not like Rob Schneider, by the way), and he wanted to cheer him on by calling him a "Pissing-Pussy-Bitch." This is supposed to be Calvin's dream sequence where everyone is being nice to him, and I tried to explain that to Luis, but he wouldn't fucking budge. You tell me if I was being out of line, or if I was "directing him on how to act."

Click on one of these links:

I love his performance in the movie, but man was he an ass...

(Note to Lions Gate: Do NOT try to take this link down. I will only put it back up, and you will seriously anger me. Given how limp our tracking numbers are, YOU OWE ME)


This isn't quite Office Space at a restaurant, but it does have some nice laughs and some filth... If you go see this film (only if you already saw Serenity) eat dinner FIRST.

thePrisoner (made you look at my batwing)

UPDATE: Some of the more connected media outlet websites have declared Shenanigans on this... word is that it was all a publicity stunt, ho hum


Take a little trip. I promise, you'll laugh, you'll smile, you'll dig the music, you'll feel a little sick. Go here now!

Thanks to Jerry for the research.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Good News For Craig!!

The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW):
HP discounts leftover iPods

Posted Oct 7, 2005, 5:00 PM ET by Dave Caolo
Filed under: iPod Family
hpipodI know why you never bought an were just waiting for the sweet deal, right? Well rejoice, frugal geek, your procrastination has paid off. is selling off the remaining iPods with a 15 percent instant rebate, which translates to shuffles for $84 (512MB) and $110 (1GB), 4 GB iPod minis for $169 and the 20 GB iPod for $254. Go and grab a memento from this odd part of Apple history.

Stuff You Don't Need To See

Halloween is just a few weeks away. This is the scariest costume I have ever seen. Seeing ALF this big makes me throw-up a little in my mouth. Available here

Cheese Friday: It's On!

Happy Cheese Friday!

Mmmmm Whiz...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Live From Justin's

It's Thursday night and we're watching Heartbreak Ridge. Andy, Preston and Tony ain't here. More fun for us.

thePrisoner (Shut your face, hippie!)

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Chicago Days pt. 3

OK, OK, here we go...

Since I had zero net access for most of the fest (and the withdrawl headache to prove it) I reverted back to a pre blog tradition. I made notes. These notes will be included in these posts, however once things got very busy I had to scribble one or two word 'trigger' phrases to remind me to remember the story for later. Such phrases include: Harmonica Joe and Stole My Pepsi the latter being particularly funny since it in fact refers to a Diet Coke and not a Pepsi, however Pepsi was easier to write and is still a good trigger word. Revisions and additions appear in these square bracket doo-dads []

Enough... I give you,
Chicago Days Part, uh, 3

Chicago Days, pt. 3

Saturday 12:30p
The Family Friendly show is now playing. It's pretty good, which is sad because there are only about a dozen folks in there watching it, and only 1 of them is a kid. six of them are filmmakers who came to see their own film, and two of the rest are filmmakers who will watch anything since they have a free pass for all the screening. [editor's note: the 'kid' that attended the screening was Paul, a good friend of Nels'. Paul later confessed that he did not care for any of the films, although his Dad, Ben said that Paul had seemed quite entertained the entire time.]

Let me tell you about the last 36 hours or so...
We got here at about 2:30p yesterday [Friday] and Nels and I began setting up the projector. Nels never really learned everything about the projector so we have to endure a period of adjustment. To his credit he is very particular about getting the picture quality as high as possible, finessing the controls to do just that. I would assume that other festivals are as conscientious, but from talking to some of our filmmakers that ain't the case.[Note: More than one filmmaker made a point of expressing to me that their film looked great at our show. I have to attribute that to Nels' efforts]

Our first show is at 5:00p and by 4:30p we were wondering if we should postpone. We were almost ready but turnout was low. Several of our filmmakers had checked in and picked up their passes. One guy begins complaining about his film's timeslot right away (while scooping up any free stuff that was in the lobby. I didn't like his film much already, but his personality I liked even less.[ We began referring to this person as WMD, he will appear in later postings] We started the show at 5:15, Scott was his usual smarmy (and yet incompetent) emcee self.[After some consideration I should revise this statement, though smarmy and incompetant, Scott was much better with the audience than last year, so the word 'usual' would be inappropriate.]
We had a meet-and-greet scheduled for 6:30pm at the Red Lion (a bar about 3 doors down) so at 6:15p with the first show still running, I went down to the Red Lion to make sure we were expected. We were not expected. Luckily they were able to accommodate us. Gradually filmmakers began to mull about and after some brief introductions, Scott replaced me at the Red Lion I had to get back to the theater to help Nels get our 7:30p show [Growing Up Sucks] ready.

To Be Continued...

More time wasters!

Click Here

"It's Flash-tastic™"

thanks to Jocko Homo

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

No Photoslop, but I Tease My Festival Report.

Just got back, don't have photoshop yet.
Come on back soon for Toby's Chicago adventures...

thePrisoner (back in the 714, beeyatch)


Monday, October 03, 2005

Rooney Gone Looney

Oh the things we say and do when on a massive bender,
(Oh hey - unexpected onomatopoeia - sweet - pun intended)

...and what about this...

Internet? InterNOT!

Hey Kids,
Posting from the streets of Chicago is a great way to get your Powerbook stolen. However I wanted to let all our loyal readers know that I will have a bunch of lame junk about my exciting trip to Chicago to bore you with in a just a couple of days. This is the first time I've been online since very very late on Thursday evening. Yes, I was jonesin'...
This connection is unbearably slow, and stolen from a horrendous Mexican restaurant that will get a posting all to itself.

thePrisoner (live and direct from Chicago)

Rooney vs. Rooney vs. Rooney

Photoslop Monday: Was Ike Right?

In keeping with last week's political theme'd photo, this week's photo is of our friend Andy Rooney. He said some things last night which are bound to get people in a frenzy. Whether he's talking about stuff in his drawers or the national budget he has an opinion, and he's not afraid to use it.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PDT. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address