Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The 80's Just Ended.

Wendie Jo Sperber, has died of breast cancer.

If you are over 15 and she doesn't look familiar then shame on you.

... hastily grabbed from imdb (in reverse chronological order)

  1. Stewardess School (1986) .... Jolean Winters
  2. Back to the Future (1985) .... Linda McFly
  3. Moving Violations (1985) .... Joan Pudillo
  4. Bachelor Party (1984) .... Dr. Tina Gassko
  5. The First Time (1983) .... Eileen
    ... aka Doin' It (USA: video title)
  6. "Private Benjamin" (1981) TV Series .... Pvt. Stacy Kouchalakas (1982-1983)
  7. "Bosom Buddies" (1980) TV Series .... Amy Cassidy (1980-1982)
  8. Used Cars (1980) (as Miss Wendie Jo Sperber) .... Nervous Nona

  9. 1941 (1979) .... Maxine Dexheimer
  10. Dinky Hocker (1979) (TV) .... Susan 'Dinky' Hocker
  11. Corvette Summer (1978) .... Kuchinsky
    ... aka The Hot One
  12. I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) .... Rosie Petrofsky
Sure, sure she worked after 1986, but by then the damage was done.

Wendie Jo Sperber was a mainstay of broad (and awesome) comedies in the 80s. This news sucks.

thePrisoner (could use a laugh today)

Chronicles Of Work: Returns

I've laid off of doing this because the hotel has been incredibly quiet and boring for a damn long time - -- until now...

Last night I had the special privilege of sitting through (slash operating a show, which entailed me hitting play and pause on a CD player for 4 hours) a re-election diatribe for the D.A. of Orange County. First off, I hate politics/politicians/anything to do with that crap, so I wasn't that thrilled about enduring a couple hours of very solid b.s.. But, as it's my job from time to time I did.

I got to draw some of the pitiful people that were there and one of the security guys for the governor of Massachusetts was a cool guy. I have no idea why the Massachusetts governor was there, but he was just as skeevy as the politicians we have here. Nice to know, they don't change from climate to climate. The deep grooves in their face, the Wal-Mart cologne and the obviously dyed black hair remains a constant no matter which "public official" you talk to.

Anyhoo, I had to fire my little actual blog up for one reason. Remember, those of you who0 know The Prisoner and Mr. DNA, the wacky group of religiousish (is that a word, oh well) nutjobs that they did their DVD for? Well, I might have topped them with this neato little event coming up this Sunday. If any of you wanna come to the hotel with me on Sunday and both see the wackos for yourself/protect me, I'd welcome the company.

So here's the group's website - Kryon

You must go to the FAQ page, it's a wonder of human zaniness. Aside from everything sounding like a Ted Nancy letter (the pseudonym of Jerry Seinfeld from the Letters From A Nut books. If you don't know what those are, you must pick one up, it's genius, anyway...), they're just awe inspiring as to just how fucked up people can be.

I'm not one for religion anyway, but godammit do these guys take the celestial cake.

After every answer to question I just want to add "It also represents a penis." (See the film: A Mighty Wind) At the bottom of the FAQ page is a way for the common loon to ask a question of Kryon - I strongly recommend every one of us does so.

Well, the event starts Sunday. I have to go set up for it Saturday night, then run away as fast as I can before they make me wear black Nikes and purple robes.

I'll let y'all know what the hell went on afterwards.

Wish me luck and may Kryon live in your pants forever.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Necesito el bano...

Camera phone in the men's room... Bad bad bad.
--thePrisoner (from Sidekick)

Alien Nation

In a stunning revelation in front of dozens of cameras and reporters, Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham revealed to the world his true identity as the lovable "Grig" from the hit film "The Last Starfighter".

Submitted by: Tony "Beta Unit" Hope

Apology Not Accepted...

Pasmaquaadi, Iraq: It seems that Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham's tear-stained apology fell on deaf ears, as shown in this snapshot.

Camp Pendleton's own Rick "The Tinklemeister" Pissman sent his response by "Special Delivery... out of my wiener!"

- thePrisoner

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ... you're old.

Happy Birthday to Smart Patrol contributor Jerry. What can I say about him...? Hmmmmmm. Uummm, yeah... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

-Mr. DNA (My mom always told me, "If you don't have something nice to say, keep your mouth shut".)

Monday, November 28, 2005

Mediocre politician resigns after getting stuck in shitty pinball machine

Smiley Island Ontario: Randy "Duke" Cunningham resigned his post today when it was discovered that for the last three weeks he has been stuck in a Star Trek pinball machine. In a fluke mishap The Duke was chasing a six year old boy through Smiley Island funstop Nickleballs for "Smartin' off" to his lovely wife Darlene when he tripped and went headfirst into the decades old machine. Eyewitnesses say that the boy became more and more irritated when Mr. Cunningham refused to give him next game on Dig Dug. Mrs. Cunningham was wearing a very colorful tight fitting checkered blouse when the boy stated "If I don't start Diggin Dug then I'm gonna play some Rubick's boobs with your wife". Soon after Mr. Cunningham got stuck he was riduculed with taunts such as "Duke Trek 2 The search for Cock" and "Tilt a Queer". For weeks he tried to hide the fact that he was stuck in the machine but during a special session of congress a janitor got high score and yelled "Jumanji!" from that moment on the jig was pretty much up. A Nickleballs spokesman said "The machine can stay but if it comes in even one nickle short at closing then he will stick him out back and hire a drifter to take a crap on him".

Photoslop Monday: ... a crooked politician? Really?

"I misled my friends, family and myself. The truth is, I broke the law and disgraced my office and myself," -Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham

I don't feel any sympathy for this guy. He's a bad man.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PST. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

Last weeks winner was thePrisoner! Congrats.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Have I Told You About Florida?

People tackling each other at a Wal•Mart in Florida.
Gets you right in the old ticker don't it?
NOTE: The Hero is sportin' a can of Copenhagen... Where's my mullet shears?

Happy Holidays, except Florida

Bad News: Mr. Miyagi has died.

Daniel-san is said to be sad.

Cheese Friday: Thankful

It's Cheese With a Crunch


Published: November 23, 2005

It took me until midlife to realize that the beloved Cheez-Its of my childhood (or the inferior but still pretty good Cheese Nips) were based on a real pastry: cheese cracker, commonly called cheese straws. These can be as simple as Cheddar cheese, flour and a little binder, or as elaborate as puff pastry with cheese folded into it. When I finally did "discover" cheese straws, I was so thrilled that I pursued the most difficult recipe possible, and stuck with that for years.

Gradually I realized that by making the process simpler and using better ingredients, I could enjoy cheese straws more often. Now they're my default homemade finger food for guests.

The simplification involved what has become my standard approach to pastry: dump everything in the food processor and try not to overdo it (with tender pastries like this one, you want to process only until the ingredients are combined).

This cut the mixing time from several minutes to several seconds. You still have to cut the straws out by hand, but there's no way around that. You can use a pasta machine set to fettuccine width, but in terms of time, I find it's pretty much a wash.

What makes a huge difference is the quality of ingredients: I replace some of the Cheddar with Parmesan, which improves the flavor immeasurably. I also use a good amount of butter. The result is the Platonic ideal of the Cheez-It, what its inventor was trying to duplicate.

Of course if you don't want the ideal but a regular Cheez-It, you could use all Cheddar, and margarine instead of butter. You can also abandon the classic cheese straw shape and cut tiny squares. Good luck.

Here's the video
Here's the recipe

Thursday, November 24, 2005


Dude #1:"Hey, nice turkey!"
Dude #2:"Actually it's a chicken"
Dude #1:"I was talking to the chicken"

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday.

'See, folks came here looking for something. For the wacky buckle hat dudes it was freedom to worship in their own debauched, sicky sicky way*. Today people still flood the shores and cross the borders, risk life, limb and leave their homes and loved ones behind (maybe forever) because someone told them there was something better or somewhere better.

Let's be honest, if they didn't come here, strawberries would cost a heck of a lot more than they do. I'm not being crass (maybe a little) but it kills me to hear some jerk on the radio who wants to hop in his SUV and protect our borders from folks whose biggest crime was being too far behind his forefathers in line when the gates to this great nation swung open and inviting...

I digress.

America comes with no guarantees tho'. I must (begrudgingly) accept that nothing is guaranteed or promised or assured here. What we have here is a chance, an opportunity, a lottery ticket.

So if you're looking around your concrete basement apartment, no cable TV, internet or what have you, looking around and dreading the question that always rises up from the dinner table...

"So what are YOU thankful for this year?",
people mean well, and you don't want to be rude, and you know that they don't really want to know how the struggle is getting you down and you aren't feeling particularly thankful for jack squat.

"So what are YOU thankful for this year?",
sure there are people that have it worse than you, but are you supposed to be grateful for that? "It could be worse" is not something to cheer about.

"So what are YOU thankful for this year?",
can't I just say whatever I said last year? What did I say last year?

"So what are YOU thankful for this year...?"

let me give you a pretty safe, fits most sizes, kind if answer.

"'Games not over yet, and I'm still in it". And if you're still reading this then you must be one of the people who knows me, and I'm thankful for you too.

call your mother


*Actually I don't know too much about the buckle hat dudes, but whatever they were into, I bet it was wacky.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

23 Years Later...

"I know that dang ship done gotsta be 'round be somewhere.
Damn Asians, poison m' Daddy and hidin' spaceships."

Monday, November 21, 2005

Photoslop: President Leads Troops Out Of Iraq

Photoslop Monday : This is a picture.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PST. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

P.S. Last week everyone was a winner becuase the judges could not come to a decision.
You all rule!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Prisoner's Tips: Black Friday is coming

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and afterwards is the biggest shopping day of the year.
If you're going to be smart you might want to start your shopping early. Assuming you aren't tapped out from scoring an Xbox 360 you can always hit THIS SITE for a quick run down of the best deals and bargains to be had.

I don't know why I'm posting this, but it might be useful. Here's a suggestion tho', don't just scan the list for stuff you want for yourself. That is a great way to go broke.

thePrisoner (making a list, checking it twice)

Friday, November 18, 2005

Cheese Friday: Cheese as a power to end hunger... strikes?

Grilled cheese sandwich ends inmate's hunger strike.

By: Frank Gluck - The Gazette

IOWA CITY, IA - A grilled cheese sandwich ended the hunger strike of a Johnson County inmate awaiting a first-degree kidnapping trial, Sheriff Lonny Pulkrabek announced this afternoon.

John A. Wenman, 28, had a vegetarian lunch Monday featuring a grilled cheese sandwich. The meal ended his 21/2-week hunger strike.

''He just all of a sudden decided to take his tray,'' he said.
Read more

-Ahhhhh the power of Cheese

Thursday, November 17, 2005

This my monitor, there are many monitors like it, but this one is mine.

I declined the fasted G5 ever made, but accepted the lovely screen. I
was afraid that my bosses would expect me to be magically enabled with
real time edit power.
Good luck to Kevin.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Ugly Bitch blows up worlds most awesome duct tape belt!

SandJunction Iraq: Reports are coming in from multiple sources and we are sad to report that some ugly bitch blew up the world's most awesome duct tape belt. Rumours that the nations most kickass masking tape supspenders were seen running from the scene were unfounded. In related news the world's most bitchin slacks were in a car accident with no serious unjuries although a Subway sandwich was DOA* *Delicious on arrival

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

"I endorse this product"

spotted on Gizmodo.

PhotoSlop Monday... with a message

AKA: Monday...

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
- Ellen Goodman

Monday, November 14, 2005

Submitted by Scott "Mr. Gimp" Francisco

Empty Promises

"Dammit - I should have clarified my idea of Nirvana."

Fashions by Elle Kyduh

Critics say it's da' bomb this season.

Photoslop Monday: "I'm the sole survivor"

A family that bombs together stays... or not.

Please have all submissions in by Tuesday 9:00PM PST. If you are not a member of the SmartPatrol and wish to participate send your entry to me. Click on Mr. DNA, under contributors, for the email address.

(sorry it was late I had trouble connecting today) - Mr. DNA

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Too Much Internet?. -- I found this for YOU

No caption required.


Mrs. DNA is expecting, Let's review!

So with all this good time happy feeling that's going on...

It's time to review the goings on in kiddieland.

Baby Review ( reviews babies (duh!). If you aren't a parent, or don't really plan on being a parent, or just think babies are a little overrated... Ah crap, just go clicky right on the blue text and maybe you will chuckle.

Baby Review - The Infant Assessment Journal:

thePrisoner (likes kids... some kids)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Cheese Friday: Richard Cheese

From his website:
"Lounge singer Richard Cheese performs swingin' Vegas versions of rock, rap, and Top40 hits, turning contemporary songs into traditional pop vocal standards. With his swanky jazz trio, his tiger-striped tuxedo, and his enormous microphone, it's the perfect mix of music, martini, and madcap. Cheese has been a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live, has performed 20 times as the house band on NBC's Last Call with Carson Daly, and has been featured on the "Dawn Of The Dead" movie soundtrack. His fourth CD "APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION" is now available wherever music is sold."

If you live in SoCal you probably know who he is, but you might need a refresher course. If you don't live here and have never heard of him, do yourself a favor and check it out.
Click Here for the music.

Happy Cheese Friday!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Back From Merced...

The Puma and I rose with the sun this morning and were on the road earlier than I usually wake up (yes, even now that I am gainfully employed).
Merced rapidly becomes a blurry memory, at least there's always the Wikipedia entry.
The drive back home was easy and without event.

The republic endures...
Long live the republic!


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

No Photoslop Monday this week

Due to a rash of death threats I will not be able to post a Photoslop Monday pic this week. We will have one next Monday after all the security is in place.

Move along, there's nothing to see here...

The OTHER 5 o'clock...

We are up, and showered.
Outside it is still as dark as it was when we went to sleep.
We are supposed to check in with our team in 8 minutes, I hope they are nice.

thePrisoner (could use a nap)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Rhymes With Dead...

Ahoy dear friends,
Prisoner here, posting from the road. Specifically the open wifi network at the Days Inn, Merced.

The Altruistic Puma and I are here on a mission of much import. We will be videotaping the election process in action from the basement of the Merced City Hall. If we are successful, the democratic process of our nation is assured. If we fail... well if we fail it'll be pretty much business as usual. Don't freak, we are on the case.

thePrisoner (defends your freedom... you're welcome)

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Music You Should Like

It's an odd idea - Beatles songs covered in the style of Metallica with Metallica-esuqe/inspired lyircs - but odd or not some of the tracks are just great.

There's torrents and individual tracks to download.

I recommend "Got To Get You Trapped Under Ice". But really there's few bad songs.

Clicky McDicky somewhere around this general area ya damn nutbugglers.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month was OCTOBER

Jason is available for breast exams year 'round. Give him a call, he's in the book and he just got a new phone.

Incidentally, Jason's boobs are normal, so be sure and give him a high-five.

thePrisoner (uh, boobs)

Friday, November 04, 2005

Thursday, November 03, 2005

...and the winner is

Tony "Accidental Tourist" Hope with his Nebraska postcard entry.

Congrats Tony! You are the 1st winner in the weekly Photoslop Monday contest.

Runner up: Mr. Kamikaze's "Hair Bear Bunch" entry.

The winners of Photoslop Monday are selected by a panel of 5 judges, including me. The other 4 judges will remain anonymous so they won't be swayed by undue pressure from the participants.
Thanks to everyone who submitted pictures, you're all winners in my book.
See you next Monday.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Sometimes Ya Gotsta Go A Pimpin'

Even Phil wasn't above the occasional brash promotion of his and his homies' mad skillz.