Friday, April 28, 2006


* flooring you not a guaranty, warranty or prediction.

Hello you lucky, lucky reader.
The Smart Patrol is doing a podcast. That's right, go and read that again. OK you're not gonna do it are you? I'll just go ahead and type it again, but bigger.


Well, actually just the Thursday Knights, the exclusive subset of Smart Patrollers that meet at Justin's on Thursday nights (hence the name). As anything that might come out dreadful is often labeled, the podcast will be experimental, meaning if it blows chunks, we don't have to do it again.


Unless you are one of the active participants, you will be unheard (sorry) but we would love for you to be a part of this. We have lots of semi regular readers that only know us through the site, we'd like to include you in the podcast, please use the comments area to provide any of the following.

1. A name for the podcast (Keep it PG, Jerry).
2. A Question or Topic for discussion (eg. Songs that you would most like to erase from existence, preferably Heavy Metal from the 1980s).
3. Suggestions for content (content being a fancy term to describe what we will be talking about, news, weather, entertainment, sports might not be so good unless its about how the Lakers are fantastic).
4. Poems (to be read in an affected voice thus re-inforcing our 'manly-man' stereotypical fear of openess, honesty and sensitivity).

We are working out some substantial technical issues but hope that after we record the podcast (Thursday May 4th 2006) we'll be able to put it online pretty quickly.

Suggestions should be submitted by 18:00pst on May 4th 2006 right here in the comments section or by sending an e-mail to [at]

Come on, you know you want to...

thePrisoner (going to RadioShack this weekend)

It Could Be Worse...

This is worky, but freaky funny.
If you ever had a 'job' then this will strike chord after chord.

WARNING: We accept no responsibility if watching this makes you a disgruntled employee.

thePrisoner (disgruntled, moi?)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Waaaait for it....

the show with zefrank

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're dead inside.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Nels says "Hi"

I'm in the valley, I'm getting some decidedly dodgy Chinese food and the
going to a divey Jazz bar.

Oh, and Nels says "Hi".
--thePrisoner (from Sidekick)

Net Neutrality

This is something that you'll probably be hearing about in the upcoming weeks. As the lines between content providers and service providers gets blurrier, the opportunity for hi-jinx increases.

When we hear that in China certain sites are completely blocked, we are able to shrug it off and think of our society as being a little more 'enlightened' that theirs. Don't get too smug, right now there are folks trying to keep you from going (in the virtual sense) anywhere you want, because they are the guys building the toll-roads, and they only make a nickel when you go where they want you to go.

Unless you are a shareholder in any of these companies (you probably aren't) then there is no advantage to you as a consumer in allowing this kind of thing to happen.

Don't let the man stick it to you.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Ninja's + The Internet = Comedy

Been contemplating the mysteries of the universe?

Boggled by what's going on in the world around you?

Need help finding the answers?

Well, don't ask us...

Also, available as a podcast.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

No More Reruns...

The masses have spoken.
Actually it was Jason and he said that just reposting an old post was cheesy. I agreed. But I am going to suggest that some of our readers may be quite new to the site (Welcome) and never saw some of the decidedly odd content of our first 2 years online. I know, I know can you believe it's been 2 years? Me neither.

But I digress... that can hardly come as a surprise!

To those of you who just found us by Googling a random phrase, like... Machewicca (we 0wnz that word) you might want to browse the extensive archive of The Smart Patrol. Just use the links to the right of the screen. Be warned that most of the photos are probably gone (we were leeching from other sites, naughty naughty) and the format might not look quite right.

But they were made with love... and the occasional open tag.


Not Just A Shitty Movie Any More

Monster Rabbit Stalks U.K. Village
(And apparently Monster Burritos are stalking their ranch hands)

Classic The Smart Patrol

I know, I know who likes re-runs? You do.

New Haircut is "Fooling No One"

COLUMBUS, OH Friends and co-workers of Daniel Beckitt, 33 of Machewicca are "apalled" and "disturbed" by the new "All-business" haircut sported by Beckitt at a recent inter-departmental mixer.
"It's a put-on" said Office Supervisor Marjory McKeen "This 'slick and trim' new do makes him look like management material, but it must be the hair talking because his annual review clearly did not indicate that a push upstairs was in order".
Last Summer Beckitt was spotted wearing a "ridiculous Atlanta Braves baseball cap" in the office until McKeen reminded him that it was a violation of the companies dress code
"Besides, who wears a Braves hat in Columbus? I ask you" added McKeen who notes that she has "an Indians sticker on my Tercel, and I always will thank-you very much".
Co-worker, Gregory Poole remarked "I like Danny and all, but that haircut makes him look like a tool", but was not aware of the baseball cap incident as it took place during his vacation to Hilton Head, SC.
Beckitt could not be reached for comment due to a scheduled podiatrist appointment.

For me, it still gets a smile.

thePrisoner (nostalgia!)

Podcasting: It's What's For Dinner

I've been a fan of Penn & Teller for a long time, but Toby recently hipped me to the fact that Penn has a Podcast of a radio show he does from his home is Las Vegas for 92.3 Free FM. Besides being an atheist and staunch supporter of freedom of speech (no matter how stupid he thinks your opinions are), what recently cemented my love for his show in my mind was when he used the term "Zombie Jesus Day" when referring to Easter. This much loved term often used by our good pal Andy should be reason enough for you to give it a listen.

You can check out Penn's site at:

or if you're hip to the Podcast world you can subscribe to his show on iTunes here:
Penn Jillette Podcast (Link will open itunes and subscribe you to the podcast)

Sit On It!

Just click the picture already, geez.

We're Never Hassel Free...are we?

For anything Hasselhoff the place to be is "The Smart Patrol" am I right or am I right?
How about this up and coming trend in celebrity promotion? It says Soap but...can we be certain?

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

More Exciting Smart Patrol News

Well, along with the new look of the site I decided to add a little functionality to our happy home plus a special surprise.

First, I created a webmaster email so people can contact us. I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that, but there are some whackos out there. You can click on the image to left and it will open your email program of choice.

And now for the big news...

Having trouble remembering our pesky url, well worry no more: is now live and kicking.

Bookmark it, send it to your friends, throw out on the floor and roll around in it. We have it for two years and no one can take it away.

So, Welcome to TheSmartPatrol 2.0. ENJOY!!!

Oooo! Ahhhh! Oh, it's just a new site design...

Well, I guess it's finished. We need to add the hit counter back in and find somewhere good for a link to our XML feed for everyone that likes RSS feeds. Please post comments if you find anything I broke or if you have suggestions for other updates.

If you don't like it, you can bite me.

Monday, April 17, 2006

New Look For Smart Patrol

Hey Kids,

As you can tell, things around Smart Patrol look a little different. After two years we decided we would shake things up a little and change the site some. I intended to make all the changes at once and then republish the site but it's not really how blogger works. This is not the final look but the template that we will was as a starting point. I will try to get the rest of the intended changes out today. My sugar induced easter coma kept me from getting them done last night.

Thursday, April 13, 2006


There are better ones to come. Check back soon.
--toby wallwork (from Sidekick)

UPDATE: It's official, the newest Julians name is...
Evangeline Keeley Julian

7lbs 3oz. 19"

Better photos to follow.
Mother and daughter doing well. Bernadette delivered at 4:54a.m. -only
59 minutes after arriving at St. Joe's.
Daddy could use a nap :)
--thePrisoner (UnclePrisoner)


Mr. & Mrs. DNA are the proud parents of a healthy baby girl.
Name, photos and details to follow.
Please join me in congratulaing G & B and little Mr. Kane, now a big
--toby (from Sidekick)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Star Wars Geek Prøn

Just for the Puma, everyone else should not

thePrisoner (insert shiny helmet joke here)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Kicking Don Henley in the bawls.

Sometimes you just don't need to hear Hotel California. Don't get me
wrong, I like The Eagles and I like that song. I even like cover
versions of Hotel California.

Even if Hotel California is your favorite song, you have to admit that
sometimes you just think Henley needs a smack in his whiny puss. For me
that was at 9:40pm Tuesday night.

Now Desperado... different story completely, that song is fried
--thePrisoner (not allowed to go to Eagles concerts)

The Puma Rejoices! Introducing The Horror Channel.

Pilfered from imdb
Comcast and Sony Pictures are teaming up to launch a video-on-demand cable channel offering some 1,000 horror and thriller movies and TV shows. The companies have set Oct. 31 -- Halloween -- for the debut of the as-yet-unnamed channel, according to the Associated Press, which said that an official announcement was due to be made today (Monday). Although the programming will be available on demand, unlike most other VOD movies, those offered on the new channel will be available free to Comcast subscribers, with about 20 films and some TV shows available at any one time and about a quarter of the content changing every two weeks. 

Monday, April 10, 2006

Until The Angels - Now On YouTube

Permanent link Here

Believe it or not, the film is being posted by request. Yup, someone else asked me to put it up.

One Of The Dirtiest Toys I've Ever Seen

Well at least the description is....

Sunday, April 09, 2006

SMART PATROL LABS: Because You Like Experiments...

Download our test podcast

this may require iTunes or at the very least Quicktime™ which you should have anyway.
If this works and we decide to do more podcasts you may use your prefferred rss newsreader or podcasting application and the feed is here (right click to copy it).

or just watch it here, I hope that this loads ok for our dialup friends.

As always feedback is appreciated, and yes I know it sounds like crap. Blame the cheap-o recorer I used.

thePrisoner (in the lab)

Where America sits and eats in their cars.

So I have a moment to compose a post to the blog. I'm here at the Sonic
Burger in Fullerton and something tells me that a cheesey eggy thingy is
in my future.
--thePrisoner (from Sidekick)

Friday, April 07, 2006

Cheese Friday: It's like sex.

-From The Sun UK
CHEESE can boost your sex life, help beat stress and act as a painkiller, experts claimed yesterday. Read more...

You know it's true because it's in a UK tabloid. They're nothing like US tabliods. UK ones have sports sections.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

No More Mighty Morning Show

For those of you that don't live in the LA/OC area... I'm not sure what to say. Indie 103.1 is a station that came along and said, "things are gonna be different, the way it used to be". They started out pretty cool, playing lots of punk and indie rock songs from my youth. Plus they sometimes played cool new stuff too. They had DJs like Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols, Henry Rollins, Joe Sib, Dicky Barrett from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, etc... I allowed myself to get sucked into the dream of a radio station that let the DJs play what they wanted without having management involved. I even rationalized that their association with Clear Channel was good because they would have money to keep the experiment going. But of course, it was all a lie. It's always about the money, and how to get more. Everyone wants a mainstream audience, because that's who advertisers want. I guess I just wanted to believe. The first brick in the wall has fallen. At least I still have Jonesy, but for how long?

I could go on and on about how bogus radio is, about how no one in America has a REAL choice in music when Clear Channel and Infinity own everything. About how homogenized everything has become. But I won't, because I don't want to be that guy. Even though deep down inside I am that guy. Dammit!

Here is Dicky's press release:


Why would Los Angeles radio station India 103.1 fire an incredibly successful and much loved host and pull his show from the airwaves without an honest explanation?

That's a good question, one that should be asked until there's a satisfactory answer.

Here's what happened according to Dicky ...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Here comes Peter Cottontail...

You better watch out. Easter is just around the corner.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

USB Glowing Tiki: Now With Video

Nels is at it again.
Just a few minutes ago he dropped me an IM to let me know that his USB Glowing Eyes Tiki thing as seen here, and mentioned here and here, is a wonderful reality. Not only is it made real but you can check it out in action via this bouncy bubby video.

Hey, maybe you have a spot on your desk that is just dying for some tiki goodness.

Be sure and have a looky-see what else he has for the tiki lover in your life.

thePrisoner (loves a luau)

UPDATE: Nels needs some sleep, he just sent me this version 3 revision that dances and pulese to music.

Today Is A Good Day...

I went to get Magnum P.I. Season 4 and found a lone copy of this sitting next to it.

This one is in memory of Brian Burnett.

Hey look it's コリッキー.
Sure the dude can't dance, but he breathes fire and hangs out with HINOI TEAM!

If you can't read Japanese (who has the time anymore?) there is an english-ish fansite here.

Monday, April 03, 2006

New Logo

I was playing in Photoshop today (our internet was down and I had some render-time to kill) and did this Smart Patrol Crest or Logo thingy.


Tossed up by numbersix.

More fun with scary robots!!

If it wasn't wmv it would be even awesomer!
It's a word.
I just used it in a sentence, didn't I?


Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Fun Of Junk Mail

Sometimes I actually read my junk e-mail just to check out just how poor my dick and mortgage are - or how my dick's mortgage is or the dick doing my mortgage, etc..

Today I got one email from a "Shantay Rutledge" (surely someone I've known on the planet Betafart, because wow). Here's what "she" / "it" said:

"rectangular is sideway amazon a antic not penchant cool. tokyo is brahmsian baseband is hang a ciceronian sidelong good. revery is fordham factual a fruition not kestrel cool. monomial is most shivery is capacious a diphtheria decontrolled good"

Most shivery indeed.