Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!

I know it's late, but...

Dude, Milk Duds are awesome!
(It's been a while and I can't believe I forgot how good they are.)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

If Justin Were Still Funny...

...he would have written something like this.

But he's not. So, I guess he didn't.

Even Google Fears The Wrath of Chuck

I was going to post a photo of Chuck Norris on the site today.  Look at what happened when I did a search on the Google.

Yep, Google is wise.

thePrisoner (fears Chuck Norris)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Fire Story

It would be pointless to pretend that, as location independant as the internet is, The Smart Patrol has no geographic center.

Because it does.

The Smart Patrol is based in Orange County California (yes, the OC) and at the moment we are experiencing some prety intense fires. That photo was taken not 5 minutes away from Mr. Kamikaze's place.

This video is news story from San Diego, the fires are particularly bad there right now, and although they don't physically touch each other, we will all refer to their fires and our fires as "the fires" when we remember them.

So I'll admit, I watched this for some grizzly titilation. Then the reporter drops in, almost as an aside, that his family lived in the house for about 25 years. I haven't lived anywhere anything like that long, so I can only imagine that if you stay in a house for 25 years, raise your kids in that house, even try to defend the house with a garden hose, well then I'd guess that it's something you'd miss if it was gone. So it wasn't quite as entertaining as I had expected. Mr. Himmel, I'm sorry for your and your family's loss.

Our sympathies go out to all our friends, our neighbors and our perfect strangers who are affected by these fires.


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Friday, October 19, 2007

Cheese Friday™ : Sarah Silverman loves Cheese too!

I'm so hungry right now.

-Mr. DNA (needs nourishment)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Holy Balls, Vintage Ads Are Awesome!

"...she'll Watusi with the gang." They dont' write copy like that anymore.

Check out other vintage ads here:

Down at the bottom of the page is a button that says "earlier" to see older posts. It's well worth checking out.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My ethics don't pay very well.

How to find, and lose, $200.Last night me, my wife, and kids went to Target to get a couple of 99¢ pumpkin shaped candy buckets and a witch hat. As we're pushing our cart down one of the unpopulated Halloween isles, passing girls costumes that look too racy for an 18 year old even though they are meant for a 5 year old, I step on something sticky. I look to the floor to see what I stepped in, but my attention is immediately diverted. Two crisp $100 dollar bills folded neatly in half are right next to my foot.

I pick them up as fast as I can and show my wife.
"Check it out, we just won $200 for shopping at Target!".
My wife smiles from ear to ear (which if you knew her, is something quite rare).
But then our happiness quickly turns to dread.
My wife and I, almost in unison, ask each other, "What should we do?".
We ask each other this, but we both know what we will do.
We will turn it in.

We continue shopping. I'm dreading the moment when we go to the customer service counter and relinquish our new found fortune. I secretly hope that by the time we finish shopping we will have forgotten about the money burning an imprint in my wife's purse. If we forget, then we'll probably keep it, right? I mean, taking it back to the store would be a hassle, and things are very tight for us, and we could really use the money, and...

Of course neither of us forget. When we head over to customer service we're both hoping to see some archetype of integrity manning the counter. But no, a girl about 19 is standing there ready to help. She doesn't look shifty or anything like that, but I remember how I was at 19 and... C'mon, I was 19! My wife asks a few questions about how their lost-and-found works. Maybe she'll tell us they don't have a lost-and-found and there is no protocol at Target for reuniting people with lost items (a moral loop hole?). No, they have a great big book with names, dates and what was lost and/or found. The book appears very official. My wife asks about lost cash. The girl glances around uncomfortably. Maybe this is it! The loop hole! We can't turn it in! Then another girl (she must have been the supervisor because she looks 19 and a half) from 20 feet away says, "Just have her fill out the form and put the cash in the drawer". Awesome. I can already picture 'supervisor girl' taking the money and getting her older brother to buy a couple of kegs for the big Halloween party next week.

So as we're leaving the store I'm bummed. I didn't even get that, 'I did the right thing' good feeling. I just feel like a chump. But at least I have that gum on my shoe to remind me what a good person I am. Sweet.

In truth, even if there were no lost-and-found at Target we probably would have gone to the police station so they could have looked at us like we're idiots when we turned in the money. Why you ask? Why not keep it? Even though I know that most likely someone at the store will pilfer the cash?

This is how my brain works;
$200 dollars is a lot of money to me, and I imagine it was a lot of money to the person who lost it too. If there is ANY chance of the rightful owner retrieving THEIR money, money that THEY earned, or was given to THEM as a gift, I should try to give them that chance of getting it back.

If I don't care, why should I expect anyone else to care either?

-Mr. DNA (blames his parents)

Happy Birthday, Andy Cowbell

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Me Want

Coolness, seriously.

thePrisoner (and future owner)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Cheese Friday™ : Cheese as renewable energy!

The Central New York Biotechnology Research Center, working with Kraft Foods, is hoping to develop a way to convert leftovers & by-products of the Cheese making process into a biofuel.
Read more here.

Every single day Cheese becomes even more awesomer*.

*It's totally a word. Why? I just used it in a sentence didn't I?

-Mr. DNA (uses Cheese to fuel his big brain)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Gangleskank: by Justin Armao

if you have seen the new Mtv show, A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila then you have seen what we will noe refer to as...


thePrisoner (call me Green Light)

MASH Reruns Will Never Be The Same

Ok, this is pretty odd, kinda funny, then it wears thin, then it gets better again. Totally worth 5 minutes of your time, especially if you are at work.

thePrisoner (I don't have a colon anymore)

I'll take, "Things That Suck" for 200, Alex!

thePrisoner (never one to toot my own horn, but...)

Monday, October 08, 2007

Mr. Thompson has passed on,

George Grizzard, a star of stage and screen has died of lung cancer. He was 79 years old and among his long list of credits is his portrayal of Tawny Kitaen's father in the 1984 comedy classic, Bachelor Party.

He also did a lot of arty stage stuff and played John Adams on PBS, but he'll always be the bad guy on Bachelor Party to me.

thePrisoner (could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch!)

Happy Birthday Tony!!

Friday, October 05, 2007

Cheese Friday™ : NIGHT!

Okay, you caught me. I got nuthin'. But for a second you thought it would be a cool post, right? My dramatic use of ALL CAPS and the exclamation mark got you excited. C'mon, you can admit it, I've mastered the art of the headline. No really, I have. Really, my Mom thinks I'm a great writer. She says I can go places if I just apply myself. I have what those in the know call, "potential".

-Mr. DNA (future Pulitzer winner)

Arizonans Display Total Lack of Humanity.

As seen here.

Crowd swipes dying man's groceries

MESA, Ariz., Oct. 3 (UPI) -- The sight of an old man being hit by a truck in Arizona touched off a feeding frenzy among witnesses who allegedly stole the dying victim's groceries.

No one is going to argue that this isn't f'ed up.  Unfortunately no one is going to think that these scavengers will be tracked down and I'll agree that there are more serious crimes in the Mesa/Phoenix sweatplex than stealing groceries.  

However the people of Arizona should be ashamed of their citizenry and up in arms about this.  Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano needs to public denounce this atrocious behavior and publicly apologize that this could even happen in her state.  It is certainly not her fault (nor an opportunity for political hay-making) but her responsibility as the voice os Arizona.

Otherwise we'll have to assume that Arizona is as wretched a place as Florida.

Sorry about the rant, this is something I feel strongly about.

thePrisoner (boycott Arizona!!)

Robert Fricking Loggia

This has been a much disputed object d'video in the lore of The Smart Patrol. A commercial so decidedly absurd that it might even be a parody of itself.
Hats off to you Mr Loggia, hats off!

ThePrisoner (Wow, The Prisoner!)