Toby's shameless self-promotion

I got my blog back up and running. Please feel free to check it out and tell me it is awesome.

tw

The Hell That Is My Life

I've been stuck in a meeting for 6 hours today. I have at least 2 more hours left. Three people were close to an hour late. We have more bugs than succesful tests at this time. And to top it all off I think I'm getting sick. This is fan-freakin'-great.

SCENE FROM A BATHROOM: A short play

INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Toby pulls his toiletries bad from a larger duffle bag spilling clothes. He takes out a toothbrush and toothpaste tube.
There is KNOCK, KNOCK at the DOOR.
VOICE
(woman's)
"Hello? Steve...?"
TOBY
"Uh, no... sorry."
VOICE
"Ahh, who's that?"
TOBY
"Toby"
VOICE
"What are you doing in there?"
TOBY
"Uh, I was.."
VOICE
"You're not supposed to use that bathroom,
it's a private bathroom. You're not supposed to use it."
TOBY
"I, uh, I have a key. I got a key from the landlord"
VOICE
"I don't understand why he gave you one.
That's a private bathroom"
TOBY
"I guess I need to talk to him then"
VOICE
"I guess so, because that's a private bathroom"

Toby looks at the door. If he had x-ray vision he would see that the voice's owner has not left. He does not have x-ray vision.

TOBY
"So, I guess I need to talk to the landlord, then..."
VOICE
"I don't know why you'd have a key.
You shouldn't be in there... It's a private bathroom"

A pause. Again, Toby attempts to use his x-ray vision, to no avail.

TOBY
"I'll be right out, I don't have any pants on"

This is a lie, Toby does have pants on, but no shirt. The VOICE does not answer.

TOBY
"So I'm gonna need a minute or two"

If Toby did have x-ray vision, he would see that the owner of the voice had left.

Moments later, Toby LEAVES.

Local Man Picks Own Nickname, Friends Resist.

The OC - Local fixture, Justin 'Pimples' Armao, recently contacted a few long-time friends to inform them that from now on he would like his nickname to be 'Boots' or 'Bootsie'.

This change was prompted by his recent 'run-in' with losing his shoes.

Pundit, Andy 'The Neck' Cauble, was dubious that the new nickname would stick, "He's always been 'Pimples' as long as I've known him. I don't see that changing just from a moment or two in the spotlight".

Consumer, Jason 'Spanks' Turnbaugh, was divided, "If I could, I'd change my nickname in an instant, but I don't think you can pick your own... I think there's a rule about it? Maybe in the bible?".

Friend, Craig 'Craig' Underwood, is undecided about the new moniker, "I'll use it if someone else does... I got burned when he wanted everyone to call him 'Viktor' in high school. I looked a right bumberclod."

Justin did briefly change his name legally in 1988 to 'Rockmeister Armao Von Goldenmane' while performing with local metal band 'The Chrome Dogz' but changed it back three months later.

After drinking all that apple juice...

Andy passed a new, shiny quarter dollar celebrating our country's bicentennial.
Chalk it up to the magical properties of apple juice.

So It Turns Out...

That all the drugs I did in high school did affect my brain cells, because now I can't remember what in the hell I was going to type about - - - gimme a bit, maybe this gallon of apple juice will shake something loose.

(Wait is my stomach supposed to make that noise?)

Whose bitch? I think he meant to say...

"I'm rick james' bitch!"

brent, you forgot to add the possessionary apostrophe. this is a very common grammatical error, which probably occcured as a result of some minor finger slippage while using your computer's keyboard.

Note to everyone: minor finger slippage is the number one cause of common grammatical errors, and is NOT a known side effect of adderall, adderall RX, or the generic amphetamine mixed salts. for more information, please refer to the following off-site link.

I'm rick james bitch!

You're right. But why would i need a prescription when jenny malm has one -- it says so right here on the bottle. See, she gets them and sells them to some lovely man in a black coat, thus saving me the hassle of all that pesky doctorin and putting gas in the car to get down to the pharmacy... you know its really just a simple cost/benifit analysis, i can graph it for you if you need. Plus, we can all accept i need pills of some kind, i figure im just going to keep trying different ones until the right fit!

BRENT'S POST

it is spelled 'adderall' - which you would know if you'd ever had a prescription for it, or it wasn't in a bottle labled "Happy Head Pills".

For the unitiated, 'adderall' is a prescription medication for sufferers of ADHD, or whatever they are calling it this week. It is the NEW 'Ritalin', but intended for slightly older patients (and college students looking to augment their study techniques). Judging from Brent's rant, it doesn't work too well.

Welcome To The Smart Patrol

AHEM... TESTING... 1, 2, 3.....

And this is what you all bugged me about?! First. I have no clue who most of you people are. But i recall my old friends being funny, so we must not have met. Second. Clearly you have forgotten your roots, as i see a scant 5 (!) uses of my name -- turn it into a curse word, wear it on a teeshirt i dont give a damn, lets show a little god damn respect for those that love you the most! Third. Of those i know, many i have not seen in a while... little has changed -- Except for some weird reason I've taken to using the word "faggot" much, much more (tobias, im looking at you). Guy, sup, how the bambino? miss you lots. Andy, take care of that wife, shes a sweet chick. Is tony or adam even around anymore? I miss tony's acerbic wit and massively hairy arms. And Adams apples. Justin... im tired of waiting for your kid to turn 16 so that i may finally purchase that corvette and impress all of her friends. And finally Fourth. I wish toby's man-jangles would drop and start pumping their fair share of hair seed so that he may discover women. Because i fear then and only then will we all be spared of these needless rants by the SAC-o-phant. Later all. And ah, oh yes, toby stop being such a faggot.

ps having read all the archive (yeah, I know, aderalls a savior), what the hell did toby do that was such a giant rant off? And for the record tob, cooling off doesnt mean simply ceasing to SAY youre right and they are wrong.... You have to think it too.