30 Minute Comics Vol. 1 Issue 4

DINO ROAD RAGE



I suppose you’re wondering what happened back there. Yeah? Well me too. I can’t even believe the luck I’ve had today. I was on my way to help out a buddy of mine who’s got some black market stuff going on down by the volcanoes. I’m driving along, minding my own business, and out of nowhere this God Damned sea turtle in one of those huge SUV’s just starts lane drifting all over the place. As it is I’m not driving my best ‘cause my pal told me to be ready for some action, so I’ve got this F***ing dual gatling gun, flame thrower thing strapped to my damned back, and my ass is barely on the seat. I slam on the breaks and this turtle switches lanes, and slows down so we’re side by side. Then, the damn turtle turns to face me and pulls out a semi-automatic. I mean are you kidding me with this? The broad aims it at me, and it’s then that I realize why she looks familiar. I took care of her brother last week. I mean talk about Murphey’s law. So I open fire on her and her SUV flips over the barrier and does a Peter Pan off the side of the cliff and into the lagoon. Unfortunately for myself, I realized I was heading straight towards a tree. As you can see the tree made out a bit better than my Jeep. My wife is gonna F***ing kill me.

30 Minute Comics Vol. 1 Issue 3

Jama kaNdabaa: Zulu Lawyer


Jama kaNdabaa had been preparing for this moment his entire life. It
was his first day in court and he was nervous as hell. He had always
imagined how he would carry himself in front of the tribal council;
how he would present his arguments. Yet now that the day had finally
arrived, he found himself blanking on the most basic of Zulu legal
principals. He looked down about three feet, where he locked eyes
with his client, Nebe Kapuala. A tiny pygmy from the jungles of
Kibale, he was being accused of stealing the heart (and virginity) of
the Chieftan's young and beautiful daughter. Jama could barely keep
from smirking as he thought of the four foot tall pygmy with the
Chieftan's elegant daughter, who stood at almost six feet. He had to
jerk his mind back to the task at hand and away from his curiosity of
their mating logistics. Jama attempted a reassuring smile at Nebe,
who if found guilty of improper conduct, could be sentenced to death.
Nebe looked nonplussed as he puffed away on his pipe, and gave a jaded half smile back. Jama thought that perhaps this was not the first Chieftan's daughter that Nebe might have deflowered. Suddenly the council member appeared from out of the hut, and beckoned for Jama and Nebe to enter. Well it was now or never….

30 Minute Comics Vol.1 Issue 2

The Adventures of White Trash Duck and Billy the Beer Can!



EPISODE 1 – A RAINY DAY

WTD: Hey Billy, what we gon do today?

BBC: Hell if I know.

{White Trash looks up at the swirling grey storm clouds in the sky}

WTD: Looks like its gonna start pourin’ any minute now.

BBC: You fix that hole in the roof of the trailer?

WTD: Nah, not yet.

BBC: Guess we in for a leaky night then.

WTD: Well shit and shinola!

BBC: Huh? What you talkin’ bout White Trash Duck?

WTD: I just had an idée-er!

BBC: You did? Well shucks, what is it?

WTD: We can go down to that there Wal-Mart and order up some roofin’. Fix that hole right up!

BBC: But White Trash, I don’t think we can make it down to the store in time. Besides, you drivin’ the Chevy with two spares on it.

BBC: You sure about this White Trash, as it is you’ve already had about three or four of me today and I jes...

WTD: You jes hush now. Come on!

{White Trash Duck grabs Billy the Beer Can gets into his red Chevy pick up}

WILL WHITE TRASH MAKE IT TO THE WALMART IN TIME TO PATCH UP HIS LEAKY TRAILER ROOF? WILL HE GET A FLAT TIRE AND BE FORCED TO WALK THE REST OF THE WAY? WILL HE GET PULLED OVER FOR ANOTHER DUI, AGAIN?!?!?!

STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

A RAINY MIDAFTERNOON

Justin is getting wasted...uh, I mean older.

Our little buddy Justin "The Arm" Armao (aka Chachi) is going to be another year older on Monday. But on Monday, he will have his kid. However, this Saturday it turns out he won't. Justin was as shocked as we were to hear about this. So, let's plan on doing something. Don't know where. Don't know when. Don't know what. It will probably involve food, booze and a crazy stalker at Garf's who is off his meds.

When more detailed information is available. I'll let you know.

STOP! You're Thinking Too Much!!

Now just sit back and stare....

30 Minute Comics Vol.1 Issue 1

Ok kids, The New Yorker (formely Big K) and I decided we would try to participate more in this whole Smart Patrol "blog" thing. I'm going to post a doodle that I made instead of taking notes in a work meeting and she is going to write a story based on that image in 30 minutes or less. We'll see how long we can keep this going before we get sick of it.

Today's story is titled:


A Tough Day for Model A3K





It had not been the easiest of days for model A3K version 4. First his master, Dr. Merric Stone almost set the bunker on fire with his scientific experiments involving highly volatile plutonium. Next, came the visit from Merric’s latest flame, the highly voluptuous Melanie Milton. Dr. Stone was not pleased with model A3K version 4 when he pointed out that Melanie was trying to sneak out a vile of plutonium in her cleavage as she was leaving. Dr. Stone had yelled for him to get his “clanking metal contraptions off his dame!” Didn’t he understand he was just trying to help? And then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, the evil Captain Leech Nimitz from planet Celluloid blew out the bunker door, knocked Dr. Stone unconscious, and took him captive. This left model A3K version 4 the foul task of dusting off the old pod spinner, so that he could rescue his boss once again, and kick Captain Leech Nimitz’s ass with the help of his trusty laser blaster. Now, if he could just get through this traffic….

Everyone's Doin' It

Son: Whoa! I am feeling very strange Mom.

Mom: Son, what is wrong?

Son: I think I am intoxicated Mom, or as the kids at school say - "wasted".

Mom: Why Jimmy? What did you do to feel in such a manner?

Click here - then click "filmpjes" to find out why our Jimmy feels a bit "different" than the other kids at school.

FREE SHOW!!!

Remember how much fun you had at the last show? Well this time it's free, so that means you'll have more money for drinks!

So then she rear ended the guy in front of her... THE END

I was a passenger in the BMW at the center of the photo. To the right you'll see a white Dodge, that's the lady who hit us. To the left (but not visible) is the pick-up truck we bounced off. thePrisoner

So then she rear ended the guy in front of her... THE END Tossed up by numbersix.

Grilled Cheese Friday Update:

Sonya Thomas is the World Grilled Cheese Eating Champion. She ate 25 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes.
She won $3,500 in prize money and is now ranked #1 in the USA (with 22 world titles) by the I.F.O.C.E..

"I really wasn't full after the 10-minute sprint, and went for dessert afterwards. That actually was my first time eating GCSs (grilled cheese sandwiches) they're tasty!"

Orange County's Jed "The Jalapeno King" Donahue and Rich "The Locust" LeFevre both consumed 23 grilled cheeses for the second place tie.

awesome