WASHINGTON D.C. (Capitol PennyThrift & Coupon Caddy) In a press conference today, U.S. President George W. Bush declared that America's phone systems were in league with the "Evil, evil forces of evil.".
"My voicemail is all jacked up and the speakerphone? Forget about it. Don't get me started on weekend minutes, what a gyp!" Bush was also heard to complain that "Someone has been calling Pizza Hut ordering up to 10 pies a night delivered to the White House for a 'Miss Juwanna Hugmaballs'... How much clearer does it have to be America?" Bush spoke while pointing at a photograph of beloved funnyman Dudley Moore and announcing "Osama, we will find you".
When pressed the President was not able to reveal any further details. It is no secret that the President has expressed serious doubts in the "safeosity, strongtitude and securityness" of our nation's telecommunications network; however he has rarely gone on record with his concerns.
Wyoming Congressman Tad Waverley attended the press conference, "This is the least remarkable thing I ever heard. But did you notice those little party snacks by the door? I gotta come to more of these things!!", and later added "This is a full size Baby Ruth bar! All these are full size. I'm gonna take some with me in case its a long session in congress tonight. Wait a minute, is that a Clark bar..?".
Dudley Moore died in 2002 of pneumonia as a complication of progressive supranuclear palsy and could not be reached for comment. His estate has denied any connection to al-Quaeda and Miss Juwanna Hugmaballs.
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