Thursday, June 30, 2005

Why Is Toby :(

There I said it. Mooching it right out of the frigging air, relayed to my trusty (and way bitchen) Powerbook via a green Cat5 cable and bringing me a window to the world.

- and I know I should be happy for the precious time I had, all the torrents I scooped up and blah blah blah. NO DICE

I'm coming over - and yes I'll be stealing some bandwidth.


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Yeah, I believe it Andy...

I used to get stoned and eat Space Dust and Razzles like my life depended on it.

...and those Marathon Bars kicked ass!

Real Things

Must not laugh......must.....not....laugh

P.S. - Yes, it's real.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Nike backs down!

If you know who Minor Threat is, you know why this is a big deal.
For some background on the story click here

June 27, 2005

To Minor Threat, Dischord Records and fans of both
Re: Major Threat East Coast Tour Poster

Nike Skateboarding sincerely apologizes for the creation of a tour poster inspired by Minor Threat's album cover. Despite rumors being circulated, Wieden & Kennedy and Odopod had nothing to do with the creation of this tour poster and should not be held accountable. To set the record straight, Nike Skateboarding's "Major Threat" Tour poster was designed, executed and promoted by skateboarders, for skateboarders. All of the Nike employees responsible for the creation of the tour flyer are fans of both Minor Threat and Dischord records and have nothing but respect for both.
Minor Threat's music and iconographic album cover have been an inspiration to countless skateboarders since the album came out in 1984. And for the members of the Nike Skateboarding staff, this is no different. Because of the album's strong imagery and because our East Coast tour ends in Washington DC, we felt that it was a perfect fit. This was a poor judgment call and should not have been executed without consulting Minor Threat and Dischord Records.
We apologize for any problems this may have caused, and want to make very clear that we have no relationship with the members of Minor Threat, Dischord Records and they have not endorsed our products.
Every effort has been made to remove and dispose of all flyers (both print and digital). Again, Nike Skateboarding sincerely apologizes to Minor Threat and Dischord Records.

Nike Skateboarding

...sometimes good guys don't wear white.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Now With Photos!!

Even though it is free, and still free, and they have no plans to start making it NOT free, Blogger keeps adding new junk. Like Photos.

So those of you who never bothered to upload snapshots before (even though I did a tutorial on how you COULD if only you weren't too damn bone idle to actually learn something for craps sakes...) now there is EVEN less excuse.

Just go about creating a new post (as per usual) and now you can select the little photo in the frame and add a photo. So add a photo will you?


thePrisoner (loves you)

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I Wonder...

Hey, about those little whispy (often beige) spiders in the tiny webs in the bottom corners of everyone's bathroom - are they ever alive - or do they just come free with the web pre-deadified?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

What I did with Toby's 60 bucks (Thats 3 Wheelers)

Sure I stumbled upon Toby's 60 bucks and yes I knew in my heart that it was his. However I could always use a few extra Wheelers's to greese the wheels of fun. I decide to spend the cash Brewster's millions style all in one day. First visit is to the gas station where I dodge/punch a panhandler with all of my knowledge accumulated in 15 minutes of YMCA Karate (Thank you Master Lipshitz). I fill up the rockmobile with half a Wheeler and am on my way. On my trip to the Shoe zone for some Beastmaster flip flops I take a short cut down a dark alley and wind up spending $17.50 on a discount hooker (If you think that is a hooker who is less attractive than a full price Ho then you would be right) She was a little rough but made up for it by being just a little bit condescending. I end up having to give her an extra $1.75 for damaging her her bootleg Mork & Mindy Swatch. When a discount prostitute tells me "When the little hand is on Mork's suspenders the circus shuts down" I have to make every attemp to stomp on her watch Roddy Piper style. Technically I spent $19.25 on the Wal mart tramp. Through some fancy sleight of hand I make back $10 when I purchase oranges from a guy at the offramp and distract him with my patented John Leguizamo is overrated routine. You can defend Leguizamo all you like but your gonna do it with ten less bucks in your pocket. I stop at 7 Eleven to pick up a TV Guide, Funyons, Milk, Auto Trader, and 17 sctratchers $23.77 total. I go home and fall asleep with 3 bucks shy of a wheeler in my pocket. I awaken to a ten year old solicitor selling Dr Who DVD's and Morrisey bootlegs. I pick up a copy of Morrisey live in Kentucky for all the cash I got left in honor of Toby who would have used the money for the same damn thing. This makes me feel 23% better but I feel 77% better after I smash it with a hammer for a grand total of feeling 100% better. So here I am feeling fine with my Brewster's millions all gone bye and the world is a shinier place all because I stole Toby's $60.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Cheese Friday: Jeremy Piven is Dead to Me.

Jeremy Piven in a recent interview said he doesn't eat cheese. C'mon, who doesn't eat cheese? Only people with so little going for them they become Vegans just so they can feel superior, like my good friend Steve. One day I will lure him back. But I digress.

In case you don't know me, I'm one of those guys who does work in the Film/Video world. I directed a few music videos and some other stuff. I mostly do small time projects. But, like almost everyone who does this kind of work, I dream of directing feature films someday. Long story short, I always wanted to work with Jeremy Piven. I love his work. Even in bad films he's usually good.

But then I read this:


Jeremy Piven-
"I get a lot of "Ten years!" "Ten years!" from Grosse Pointe Blank. And now more than ever, I get people screaming "Cheese!" (from Old School). And I have to say, if you really want to make me angry, yell "Cheese!" I mean there are so many other things to yell at me but "Cheese!" I don't even eat cheese. "

Who the hell does he think he is????
"I don't even eat cheese"
What is wrong with these people??!!

I'm worried.
Either I'm slowly losing my mind, or the world is full of stupid people who worry about shit that doesn't matter.
Or maybe I'm losing my mind because I worry about shit that doesn't matter.
Or maybe ...


Thursday, June 23, 2005

Back When $60 Was A Lot Of Money.

Mr. Jeff Conaway... TV's Bobby Wheeler and model for the $20 bill.

I am bummed right now.
Wednesday evening I was out with our good friend Tony, we were going out for a coffee (a high scorer on my list of favorite things to do). Somewhere along the way I lost $60.

I lost $60.
I lost $60.
I fu**ing lost $60.

Not that there's ever a good time to misplace $60, but this week /month/year/decade sure as hell isn't a good time. Things are tight economically right now and I was gonna be keeping those 'Wheelers' company until the end of the month. If it weren't for the fact that I barely slept last night (who're we kidding, this morning) then I'm sure I'd be up until sunrise kicking myself over this. Here I am barely getting by, and I go and screw myself over by being careless with money.

On the bright side, someone, somewhere found $60 last night and can't believe how lucky they are. I hope they buy something they don't need (like I probably would've in their boots).

Toby (is an idiot)

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Smart Patrol Gets Quoted!!

Life is a bowl full of Jerrys
A good reader to the site went and referred to us on his site, we are sooooo coool!!

Cruise not all bad, Oprah just more powerful.

Let it load...

Image found at Jerry Smith's

I don't know much about Scientology, but I would have to say that it's power pales in comparison to the Cult of Oprah.

Thanks anyway Tom, better luck on Regis and Kelly.

Is it just me but does ANYONE care about War Of The Worlds? - nah! didn't think so.

I've Got A Headache

Up all night (not unusual for me :( ) with pain that grips the groove in my skull right about where the eyes go. It's eyestrain, I get it from time to time. The pain at the base of my skull where it meets the neck... (yes, I do actually have a neck) well that might just be something to do with the arm of the couch I sleep on, it isn't friendly.

The lack of sleep, well I could go on all night about that. But I already did, and now it's morning.

Always room for improvement, a chance to do/be better than yesterday, let's see what happens.

I don't have any of these :(

BTW the new John Doe album is great, like short films for your ears, you can quote me on that.
Forever Hasn't Happened Yet

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Smart Patrol

The Smart Patrol
It's like infinity folding in on itself.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Cheese Friday: The Snackulator

Thanks indeed.
Stumped for a snack? The interactive Snackulator gives you the perfect snack to matter where you're headed.

That's right folks, now you can figure out the perfect cheese snack to go with any occasion. Go on, give it a try. You've got nothing to lose, and only Cheese to gain.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

What Does This Mean?

I love conspiracy theories as much as the next loony with a shopping cart. When I read this I got that nervous excitement feeling in my tummy, then I got a nauseous feeling.

UPI Hears...

By John Daly
UPI International Correspondent

Washington, DC, Jun. 13 (UPI) -- Insider notes from United Press International for June 8

A former Bush team member during his first administration is now voicing serious doubts about the collapse of the World Trade Center on 9-11. Former chief economist for the Department of Labor during President George W. Bush's first term Morgan Reynolds comments that the official story about the collapse of the WTC is "bogus" and that it is more likely that a controlled demolition destroyed the Twin Towers and adjacent Building No. 7. Reynolds, who also served as director of the Criminal Justice Center at the National Center for Policy Analysis in Dallas and is now professor emeritus at Texas A&M University said, "If demolition destroyed three steel skyscrapers at the World Trade Center on 9/11, then the case for an 'inside job' and a government attack on America would be compelling." Reynolds commented from his Texas A&M office, "It is hard to exaggerate the importance of a scientific debate over the cause of the collapse of the twin towers and building 7. If the official wisdom on the collapses is wrong, as I believe it is, then policy based on such erroneous engineering analysis is not likely to be correct either. The government's collapse theory is highly vulnerable on its own terms. Only professional demolition appears to account for the full range of facts associated with the collapse of the three buildings."

Pulled from here.

Even I have to qualify this by saying, this is probably going to amount to nothing. The implications, the consequences...

Does this bother anyone else?


Toby is indeed special.

A little backround on Toby's "special-ness".
Eric, Toby, and I (collectively known as the flickerfactory) are gearing up to shoot a music video for the band 99tales.

Eric and I decided to use the band's cover art aesthetic for the look of the video. The video clips Toby posted below are tests. We wanted to see if we could incorporate live action into the animated world Eric had previously created. I think it worked fairly well. We originally had hoped to make the video in February, then it got pushed to June, and now it looks like it won't happen till August or later because of the bands availability. There is a slight chance we'll just move ahead with the project on our own and limit the bands involvement. I had planned on having a big part of the video being performance oriented. But who knows? Eric and I will get together to see if we should proceed or wait.

To see Eric's take click here.
To see Toby's take click here.

What do you think?


I'm Special...Effects

UPDATE: Some readers have expressed issues with the way that the movies draw on screen. To see the 'special' pictures CLICK HERE

Friday, June 10, 2005

So You Want it Alive Too?

It's free, and it is a cat.

originally posted by ry2k at

Cheese Friday: American History

Homey mac and cheese is an American standard

MACARONI AND CHEESE is the kind of food people turn to when they're feeling vulnerable, lonely or miserable. And when they're in high spirits, eager to take on the world, thrilled with life.
Macaroni and cheese comforts incomparably when you're cold. It's also just the right thing to bring to a picnic or serve at a barbecue. Or eat at home on a hot summer day when your air conditioner makes the house feel like a meat locker.

Whatever its origins, macaroni and cheese is entrenched in American cuisine. It started after Thomas Jefferson brought a macaroni mold home from Paris and served the casserole at a White House dinner in 1802. According to food historian John Mariani, its status as a culinary icon was assured after Kraft Foods introduced Kraft Dinner in 1937.

Click Here for the full article and recipes too!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Cross Promotion: Bunker Is Back

My personal (and much grumpy-er) blog, Live From The Bunker is back up and running... well, more like walking quite rapidly... OK more of a shuffle but with focus.
Feel free to check it out, or just subscribe to the RSS/XML feed and I'll come to you! (that's a good thing).

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

This Just In: "bandit8791" is a fan!

To: toby@##############.### (REDACTED)
From: bandit8791@###.### (REDACTED)
Subj: RSS Feed.

Thanks so much for your helpful primer on the easy-to-use RSS feed of your splendid website! As a busy star of stage and screen I have only so many hours to dedicate to websurfing, now I have enough time to order my new hairpiece online. I look forward to more of you guys and your off-the-wall brand of comedy.

Keep at it y'all.


P.S. Be sure and check out my upcoming starring role in "Boss Hogg: The Movie" coming this Summer to a theater near you.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Technology Update: RSS Feeds Can Be Fun

Now some of the kids out there might already be hip to this, but for the unitiated. You Can Subscribe to The Smart Patrol!!!.

This can be fun and profitable, as this brief playlet illustrates...

Toby: Hey, why not subscribe to The Smart Patrol's RSS feed?

Chad: (thoughtfully) RSS Feed? What's that?

Toby: Well Chad, an RSS feed is a special version of the Smart Patrol site that notifies you when new and exciting updates and additions appear!

Chad: (genuine shock) Holy crap, tell me more.

Toby: Sure! There are lots of free applications, called agregators, that collect these RSS feeds together, it's like the program surfs the net for you.

Chad: Awesome, because I'm so busy. (shrugs) Who has time for all that surfing?

Toby: (nodding) Word. By-the-by homeslice, there are lots of sites that publish an RSS feed of their content, you can practically build your own magazine of tailor-made content.

Chad: (looking for 'the catch') Does this involve devil worship or cost any money?

Toby: (dismissively) Well, as long as you are already tithing to the dark lord, it's all free and clear, even the agregator software. Google "RSS news" for the application that turns you on the mostest! Just another exciting part of The Smart Patrol.

Chad: (curiously aroused) I'm sold. How do I do it?

Toby: (misreading body language) Oh Chad you slap happy retard! Just copy this URL into the RSS feed agregator of your choice -

Chad: I sure will, and... I LOVE YOU!!

Toby backs away from Chad, who is blocking the exit.

and... SCENE

Toby Jumps On "The Tank" Bandwagon
(your site here)

So I saw Guy's post (heck I even edited it) and jumped in. I had set up a myspace page but now I have set the easy to find url (up there genius).

This is not a big thing Guy is asking for. I think it's a good opportunity to see how influential The Smart Patrol can be, after all we all know people who know people.

Like my good friend The Altruistic Puma has often said, you put it out there and then you hear it someplace else (I'm paraphrasing sloppily).

So now we need to hit myspace, get our pages and make friends with The Tank.

Toby, thePrisoner, FOTT - Friend Of The Tank

Saturday, June 04, 2005

A Favor For A Friend?

Hey all. As many of you know I play in a rock band called The Tank. Well, The Tank is in the process of trying to heighten our visibility. We have been toiling around in obscurity for almost 9 years now and it's time to step things up.
Here's the favor:
If you would be so inclined I would invite each of you to sign up on and add us as a friend. I would also ask you to tell all your friends about this awesome band that you know and suggest they check us out on myspace or our website.

Late last year we completed a 5 song demo with famed producer Lou Giordano (The Ataris, Taking Back Sunday, Goo Goo Dolls, Husker Du, etc...). Now, after much hand wringing the songs are about to be shopped around to labels. We could use some buzz, and if it comes in the form of having a few thousand myspace friends, so be it. I would really appreciate any help in promoting The Tank.

Tell a friend.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Cheese Friday: Rolling for Cheese

Jason Crowther, from Pembrokeshire, was the first to catch up with a giant rolling wheel of cheese after chasing it down a steep hill in Gloucestershire.

The 23-year-old beat dozens of other daredevils, who rolled, crashed and bounced themselves down hill on a 200m stretch of grass in pursuit at Cooper's Hill, Brockworth. Jason gets to keep the seven-to-eight-pound Double Gloucester cheese.

St John Ambulance reported just three people taken to hospital with suspected fractured limbs and they treated a total of 18. Last year they treated 40.

For more info Click Here.