Monday, December 27, 2004

PARTY: Craig turns 40!!

Although he won't actually be 40 for a few more years yet,

I wanted to make sure that I had all your attention.


details are sketcherific at this time.

Chuck E. Cheese said no dice.


Thursday, December 23, 2004


Originally uploaded by tankguy.
Happy Holidays Smart Patrol!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Hey, Look At Me!

Go here:
Do it now. Do it for Johnny.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Movie Time: Fat Pipe Recommended

A Movie

A little stupid, a little childish, just like you.


Behold the miracle of Festivus!!

OK, so there is a week until Xmas - would now be a good time to list
what I'd like this year?

It's a manufactured (prefab) house made of shipping containers (4 I think) the kit costs 76K, so you might want to find someone to chip in with you.

The manufactured or prefab homes are nothing new (but certainly in vogue these days) Sears and Roebuck used to sell kits for 2,3 and 4 bedroom houses, some are still around.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Do you like Japanese women?

"Japanese Women as The Love of Your Life.
Look no further, Destina is a reputable matchmaking agency
introducing the most eligible single Japanese women to you.
Serious Gentlemen Only!"

310 356-4666

Everyone who is in their 30's, single and not dating raise your hands.
What do you have to lose, except for thousands of dollars and always wondering if she married you for a green card? But hey, that American girl you might meet one day could only want you for your movie trivia knowledge, computer skills, and prowess at video games. And come on, they must be legit because they have a really small add in the sports page.

I'm feeling full of love today and I felt like sharing. Happy Dating!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A Game! (click here) Go Lucky!

I figured I'd help Andy out with his game-a-week-or-so thing.
It's in Japanese, but if I can figure it out you should be able to also.
I think it's called "Toby Slingshot". Not our Toby, but a cute little dog.

Now go forth and waste time!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

NEW ARRIVAL: Meadow Joy Mason

Congratulations to Rian & Ryan, new parents of this lovely baby girl, Meadow.

Meadow Joy Mason
Tossed up by numbersix.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

"The Life Aquatic" for J-Day!!

In honor of Jason's birthday...

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Friday, December 10th 2004
Pacific Theaters at The Grove,
Hollywood, CA

Show starts at 2:00pm

O.C. Team meet up at...
The Turnbaugh Apartment

We are gonna eat,
I don't know where...

Friday, December 03, 2004

It's Friday, it must be...

Dia de los queso...

Hoy más que cualquier otro día. Ensamble junto para gozar de los
placeres del queso.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Your Chance To Be Super Duper Neato

You know you always wanted to be Captain Assy or Seargeant Flickenweiner. Well now's your chance to show the world your skillz (note the ultra-cool hip-hopesque spelling) and make yourself (or others) into something both heroic and ill-conceived.

Design very old one - design like the wind!!!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


I have obtained secret footage from Toby's formative years at Burger King....

Click if you love history

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

McRorie (click here)

You'll thank me later.

Monday, November 29, 2004


Nobody anywhere has a copy of either the Meatballs or Sgt. Pepper Soundtrack (ya know the Bee-Gee one you like to pretend you hate but you always watch when its on t.v.)!

If I don't get either of these (or a cashier's check for $100,000) soon, there will be one very disenchanted young man on this blog. (Hint: it's not me, his name rhymes with Toby - I mean, wait - come back...)

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

You like raisins.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Justin watches world premiere of Species 3 and is hospitalized for boredom

At aproximately 10:41 PM Pacific standard time Justin Michael Armao 34 of Costa Mesa CA. was found dying of boredom inside his apartment. The apparent cause was a first viewing of the made for Sci Fi channel world premiere of Species 3 (And yes there was a 2) He was rushed to Copeland Memorial Hospital where he was revived with a bootleg copy of Breakin' 3:The Quest for Peace.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I Know What I'm Getting My Parents For Their Anniversary

Pre-Order your copy now.
Comes out February 15th, 2005.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Friday, November 19, 2004

Cheese Friday: Revealing the man behind the curtain.

Expert explains grilled cheese 'miracle'

The Associated Press

November 18, 2004, 7:45 AM EST

BUFFALO, N.Y. -- Brace yourself. There may be a less-than-miraculous explanation for that image of the Virgin Mary a Florida woman says appeared in her grilled cheese sandwich.

Professional skeptic Joe Nickell says it's the same phenomenon that lets people see ships in the clouds, butterflies in ink blots and the man on the moon.

Remember that elderly lady who showed Johnny Carson her collection of potato chips with celebrity faces? (And how Carson munched on a chip, letting her think for a moment it was one of hers?)

"It's just the human ability to make images out of randomness," said Nickell, investigative columnist for Skeptical Inquirer magazine and senior research fellow of the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal.

"The images are called simulacra, from the root word meaning similar. And the mental habit that causes us to see such things is called pareidolia," he said.

Nickell has studied and written about such things for 30 years. He is among the thousands who have visited Maria Rubio's 1977 "holy tortilla" in New Mexico, the "Milton Madonna" on a Massachusetts hospital window pane, and the "Clearwater Virgin" on a building in Florida.

Diana Duyser of Miami put her grilled cheese sandwich up for sale on eBay last week. She said she took a bite after making it 10 years ago and saw a face staring back. Into a clear plastic box it went and has remained on her night stand, she said.

Nickell explained that pareidolia is the process by which the human brain interprets essentially random patterns into recognizable images.

"It doesn't take much to make a face. Three or four dots or marks and you've got something that looks like a face," he said.

Many simulacra are of religious images, he said, and "perhaps most often associated with Catholic or Orthodox tradition, wherein there is a special emphasis on icons or other holy images."

Most, he concluded, are the result of natural processes, such as weathering or the buildup of chemical residues.

"Theologians and clerics are usually quick to dismiss such images, one priest wisely attributing them to `pious imagination,"' Nickell said. "However, they remain intensely popular among the superstitious faithful."

Nickell added that the Easter Bunny exists in the wood grain of his office door.

I hate stuff.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Wallpaper Entry No. 1

Scott Francisco just e-mailed me this submission. While I don't think it's particularly flattering he does get points for being first.
Get More Toby
Tossed up by numbersix.

Monday, November 15, 2004

It's A Contest!!!

OK, I got a new phone and you get to be a part of it. Using this photo as a reference (174 X 143) design the wallpaper for my new phone. Try not to violate any copyrights but apart from that... NO RULES post your submissions herecontest ends... Friday?


What do you win? Bragging rights. Hey that and 75 cents and you can buy me a diet Pepsi.

Tossed up by numbersix.

The Life Aquatic with The Smart Patrol

I know its a little early but I wanted people to have a chance to make plans in advance. I'm taking Friday December 10th off from work to drive up to Los Angeles to see "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou". It's a little birthday present to myself.

So, if you don't work that day, or can arrange to not work that day, you should come along. (Justin, you're looking a little peaked, you OK buddy. *WINK. WINK.*)

If you're thinking, "Hey it's not worth taking a day off from work to see a movie."
I have three unarguable points to convince you:
  1. When is it ever not worth it, to take a day off? Work is for SUCKERS!

  2. It's for my 30th Birthday. I'm now officially old. (Like the rest of you.)

  3. This movie is gonna kick ass. Check out the website if you don't believe me.

You're gonna love this movie so much, that if it were a TV show on FOX, they would cancel it before the first commercial break.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Justin Just Found Out They Cancelled "Golden Girls"

Tossed up by numbersix.

Jason Looks Guilty

Tossed up by numbersix.

Man Buys Mouse, Goes 'tarded...

Guy went and bought himself a scrolling mouse. Not being used to a scrolling mouse he was immediately consumed with fear and began hitting the mouse with a broom. Later this evening Guy intends to burn the mouse on a stake for practicing heresy. Slow afternoon for you too?
Tossed up by numbersix.

cheese friday

California, it's the cheese.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

NEWS OF THE ODD - Corpse Finds Love Online

SACRAMENTO (AP) - Recently deceased custodian, Denys Wygglehoffer 39 has finally found love, on the internetnet of all places.
Wygglehoffer was killed in October by a falling brick while on the job at the Sacramento Brick Emporium.
"Nesst dayy ee-mayul sennt gurrl pritty" said Wygglehoffer, referring to the e-mail that arrived from MaybeDate, a local online dating service that he had signed up with just a week earlier.
Merla Hawkins, a dental technician from White Oak was his exact match in a profile match performed at MaybeDate's main office.
In a bizarre coincidence, Merla is also recently deceased, having succumbed to a dire case of ricketts in August.


Tossed up by numbersix.

Andy Loses Luggage - Nation Mourns

"Uh, it's a red American Tourister, 'bout yay big... oh and that vibrating noise is probably my electric toothbrush... probably... 60-40 toothbrush or my 'massage wand' but like I say, probably the toothbrush..."
Tossed up by numbersix.

Toby Displays Grace Under Pressure

Flying over Sacramento, party-ing like a rockstar, living la vida cola (diet)
Tossed up by numbersix.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Friday, November 05, 2004

Cheese Friday, stay strong.

Today is Cheese Friday. It is dedicated to those men and women that dared to keep the dream alive. Those brave souls who stand up for cheese no matter what the cost. These people are willing to pay the ultimate price. Today is for these Heroes.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

The Game Of The Every Other Day Or So 5

You like Pac-Man, you adore cockroaches and love those k-razy Japanese right?

Aaah sure of course you do! So keeping that in mind, play this game DAMMIT!

Of Roaches And Beer

Has "Super Size Me" taught me nothing?

FAT: 23 G.

Ba Da Bup Ba Baaaaaaa,
I'm Lovin' it!

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


I'll step off the soap box now.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

The Game Of The Every Other Day Or So 4

Before me and "the Prisoner" go off on our whirlwind tour of the lovely Redding, California (details to follow and pictures if we're lucky) I thought I'd give you a deceivingly simple game to waste more time.

Oh Sure It Looks Easy

Hope this kills enough time for you to stave off the loneliness you'll all feel while we engage our drinking and taping talents up in one of California's most lukewarm spots.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Have you ever wondered ...

Well, wonder no more.

My telephone's memory had reached its capacity a few months ago, so I decided it is time for an upgrade. But before doing so I wanted to preserve the last 2.046 years of my life. If anyone is interested in what El hombre alto has been doing with his life since his deportation, I have recently emptied all of its photographs and am now making them available to our little (but very loveable) community.

El hombre alto en Japón

Friday, October 29, 2004

Cheese Friday

You couldn't play nice, so no picture this week.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Monday, October 25, 2004

Kirk Cameron tells it like it is.

No disrespect to anyone, but I think this is funny.

Friday, October 22, 2004

I almost forgot...

On a very special Cheese Friday.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Filmed entirely in Super-Marionation.

I don't know if this is going to be another "domestic sale only" product, but it looks like there will be a new Thunderbirds DVD special boxset. The box, which is in the shape of Thunderbird 2 and measures 50 centimeters in length, will be released on November 26, and will cost about $150.00.

This is why I love living in Japan.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The Game Of The Every Other Day Or So 3

Time for another time killer....TIME!!

The Acid Has Officially Kicked In

Everybody Needs A Hobby

And you thought a 34 year old guy collecting Star Wars toys was pointless...


Sunday, October 17, 2004

The Game Of The Every Other Day Or So 2

Wasting time at work has never been so wasteful

...and then the boredom set in

And we thought we were fighting for things to do.

Yowza, yowza, this is pitiful

(Not as pitifully genius as the "Always With You" drawings, but somehow I feel the guy who did those and this guy know each other and/or correspond via H.A.M. radio.)

Another Valley Of Western Civilization

Jason Cheats at Poker, implicates dog

Here at Andy's Fantastc Poker Table Birthday Party Shebang I was able to see Jason confer with his dog on several hands (paws) of poker. Later it was revealed that Parker was in league with Thane Tomlinson and passing bad advice to Jason throughout the evening. A sad days for poker fans everywhere.
Tossed up by numbersix.

Friday, October 15, 2004

People Are Whacky. So Sayeth The Lord

I was reading about this site on another guys blog and felt it had to be shared with the group.

Here's a little taste of what's on the site I am naming "With You Always".

"I was awakened in the middle of the night with a clear, vivid impression that the Lord wanted me to do some special drawings -- drawings depicting ordinary people in their everyday environment . . . . with one important addition: the presence of Jesus Christ and His involvement in those routine activities.

One of my personal favorites:

A couple captions I might use:
After the "ordeal", Jesus goes for a little levity with a brief stint at clown college
"Make with yuks or the kid gets it"

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

My New Column - The Game Of The Every Other Day Or So

Here's my new mission:

To provide the members of this incredulously fantasmagoric blog with a useless waste of time.

Starting with today:
Can you count faster than you should be able to?

Then try this -

By the way, soup and salad make strange bedfellows in my tummy.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Souplantation: Wednesday October 13th 7:00 pm

Parker the dog says, "Woof, woof, bark, growl...." He's a dog. What did you expect?


Come and help our K-9 friends and enjoy some quality food at the same time. Souplantation in Costa Mesa is dontating 20% of sales to the Costa Mesa Bark Park.

Wednesday, Oct. 13th, 2004
7:00Pm (anytime between 5pm & 8pm will work be we're going at 7pm)

Costa Mesa Souplantation
1555 Adams Ave.
Costa Mesa, CA

What to do:
Present Coupon when ordering.
Andy & I have a bunch of the coupons so get with one of us before we go.

Because Parker, Chewie and Dogie love the dog park and you all love them. Don't dissapoint the dogs. I mean, two of them already got their nuts chopped off. How much more do you expect them to put up with?

Monday, October 11, 2004

Toby's Dream Home Finally Made Available In U.S.

Toby's dream of living in an Airstream was once crushed by the members of the Thursday Nights. This time I think we should help him embrace his love of a house on wheels.

So, everybody check the pockets of your dirty laundry and under the couch cushions for spare change and maybe we can help make it happen. I mean it's only $150,000.

Click Here for the full story and more photos.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Sad News: Christopher Reeve Is Dead

9/25/52 - 10/10/04

Drudge is reporting that Christopher Reeve is dead, there are no more details. I for one was hoping that Reeve would advance the cause of stem cell research and benefit from its promise. Reeve was mentioned in the second presidential debate last week, in addition to inappropriate Superman jokes I expect that both candidates will try to attach their good names to his.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Will The Adults Please Raise Their Hands?

Not that I even thought I was an adult anyway. The University of Pennsylvania has made it official.
Tossed up by numbersix.

Friday, October 08, 2004


Good friend and a founding member of the Thursday Knights, Tony Perija is celebrating his birthday today.

For thise of you unfamiliar with Tony, he's the one on the right.

Tossed up by numbersix.

cheese friday

I'm feeling minimalistic today.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Saturday, October 02, 2004

I miss my car

As many of you know, I do quite a bit of traveling for the ol mighty dollar. By the way, isn't worth crap anymore around the world except Mexico. Thanks Mr. Bush and fucks! Just how often do I get to spend time somewhere and not have to drive away following the show or scramble to get onto a flight to the next destination. So, while finishing up the last show of the tour in London, I decided to stay with a friend in London and just chill out and drink loads of lager and get involved with public trasportation to see a different part of London than I have before. I've used to the Underground but the buses are whole new experience. Especially on a friday night and I don't really know where I'm headed. I made my transfer just fine, but it all went pear shaped when I needed to jump off at Oxford Street (not circus) which I did. Following my directions written down by my friend, I wander the streets trying to find my destination. And it starts to rain...who knew, rain in London. So, I'm thinking that I'll just get back on the same bus line and get off in a few more stops. That was a silly idea. Now I'm in nomans land and have to get a cab to my destination. One may ask... maybe I should have just gotten a cab in the first place? Oh yeah, I didn't really have an address, just directions. So, the cab drive has no clue where this idiotic American needs to get to, but sorts it out nonetheless. Hurray for cabbie! And I didn't even need to tip the man. I love that over here. Do your job and that's that. Fuck tipping, it's all bullshit!
Now that I've ranted about one incident, everything else is wonderful. Just hanging out and having a laugh. I'll be home in a few days or not. I haven't rebooked my flight home, so I'll have a pint and think about it.

"It's Spic-tacular!!"

"Bring along the whole family for fun at Pedroland Park! pedro has sometheeng for every juan, from ferris wheels to miniature golf."

Parachute Drop
Wild Sombrero
The Red Baron Airplanes
Ferris Wheel
Carolina & Upper Mexico Railroad
Bumper Cars
Hot Wheels

It's all at Pedroland™ South Carolina's snappy 'take' on the wacky people of Mexico.

I've been to Charleston SC. I have stood in the market square where humans were once sold as property. This is disgusting.

For more information, click here

Friday, October 01, 2004

I'd like to thank...

...the academy, my friends, family, and that retarded kid from Life Goes On.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

rock AND roll

Originally uploaded by tankguy.
This is what I do when I'm not being a stay at home Dad.

Thursday, October 14th
Hard Rock Cafe, Newport Beach

Absurdity Bar Lowered EVEN Further!

Click here to read the cnn story. My version is here.


ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE NOW WORSHIPPING FLOTSAM. A fiberglass statue of Jesus washes up on the banks of the Rio Grande and immediately the residents of the town (real name Eagle Pass) are desended upon by waves of 'Pilgrims' who recognize this as a miracle. Across the water in Piedras Negras, MEX the population is (surprise!) largely Roman Catholic and have dubbed the 5 foot statue, (and this is not a joke) "The Christ of the Undocumented,"

"Jesus Christ manifests himself in many places, but he showed himself here in the way of an undocumented migrant," said Marta Ramirez, a spokeswoman for the city's Our Lady of Refuge Church.

"An undocumented migrant, MADE OF FIBERGLASS!! This is not a miracle, crazy lady!" said Toby Wallwork, a spokesman for The Smart Patrol.

"We think it's appropriate to place it in a special chapel." added Ramirez

"I agree" added Wallwork "Right next to the two headed snake, and the potato that looks like Nixon!"

"That's a burn" he added after a pause

EDITORIAL: What is going on here? Any unexpected appearances of the Messiah make me a bit nervous (as a heathen AND a Reverend I figure I've got my bases covered, but still...). I can't help but think that the more signs of the divine that people claim to see, the more removed for the events of the day these people are becoming. As funny wacky things suddenly become symbolic, or signs of bigger movements I cannot help but think that people (and in this case, the undocumented workforce - a vital asset to this country) are becoming more and more disenfranchised from the American dream. If I was more of an edumacated person I'd probably make the assertion that sightings of Jesus going up, means consumer confidence going down.


Sunday, September 26, 2004

Begin Your Day With A Smile

Tossed up by numbersix.


David Ira Zoberman
Tossed up by numbersix.


I was able to grab this from a bluetooth cameraphone that was wide open. I only got about 90 photos from the camera. So you know I'm gonna share some more
Tossed up by numbersix.

Friday, September 24, 2004

From The Friendly Skies

So I'm jetting over the middle of the country, and I'm listening in style...
Tossed up by numbersix.

There's nothing I can do.

I'm a slave to the cheese.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Well That Was Totally Worth It!

Since my film for the NYC thing got the ol'kick to the crawdads I haven't been too interested in visiting their crummy site.


It seems that "Until The Angels" did get an award after all!

click here and scroll down to see the great news.

Alas, no money. So poo!


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Dear George

Dear George Lucas,

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away lived a geeky little girl who loved three movies dearly. These three movies, which formed a trilogy by the name of Star Wars were first concieved in the late 1970's when American Cinema arguably jumped the shark. Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi were fun adventure movies in space, with ground breaking special effects, some campy acting, and a totally compelling storyline about good vs. evil and the internal struggles we all face in life. It also had kickass alien characters like Yoda and Admiral Ackbar. This little girl, let's just call her ME, spent oh a better part of her days watching these original movies over and over again until frames of film were imbedded on her cornea, and she could recite most of the films on cue.

{I don't like you either. You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.}

The remasters that were released on VHS in 1990 were terrifically exciting. The picture looked clearer, the sound was better, I was thrilled!

Then came 1997. The Special Editions. All three movies brought back to the big screen for the first time since their original release!! I had seen the last two in the theatre but was only old enough to really remember watching Return of the Jedi in wide eyed awe. But George, you just weren't re-releasing them and remastering them, you were adding a few things here and there, changing things to the way you say you really would have done them back in the day. But I trusted you George and I respected you, and I didn't doubt you for a minute.

Until I saw the Special Editions that is....

{LUKE: Uncle owen, this units got a bad motivator UNCLE OWEN: Hey what are you trying to push on us?!}

Ok so you had added a couple creatures here and there on that desert planet that Luke lived on, that's cool, even some more in Mos Isles - but then there came the initial first horrorible grievance. Han Solo no longer shoots Gredo first! Because he's such a good guy?!?! What happened to the "scoundrel" that you, I and princess Leia loved so much? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

From there it only gets worse, Empire being the best one (which might I remind you - you neither directed or wrote!) was left relatively unscathed, but then came Jedi, which you screwed up even more. What with changing the number in Jabba's palace, messing up the freaky sand pits, and then not only adding the shots of the cities at the end but irrevocably removing the moving rendition of "Nub, Nub" as sung by the ewoks in the touching campside celebration! George how could you do this to me? You broke my heart! You ripped a piece of my childhood from my soul!


{Leia: Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!}

After this things only got worse. Episodes I and II, were, well......I'll leave that for another letter. George, you left me with two bastard children that I feel compelled to defend from naysayers out of a sense of aborted loyalty, but children that I am too ashamed to even welcome into my own home.

But my heartache was not over. When I first heard the "good news" about the release of the DVDs. I thought well this is it. Many directors have their "director's cuts" on DVD, but they also have the theatrical release available. Remember Spielberg your old buddy? He did his thing with E.T. but he still had the theatrical release on there.

But did you do the sane and rational thing? No. You bungled everything up once again! No, you said. No, you selfishly declared. These are my movies, and I decide what to do with them! Star Wars is not a democracy! Well gee George I'm sure Stalin would be proud of your evil conniving ways, but I'm sure even he would want the original versions on DVD!

But the horror only continues I find, because not only are you not releasing the originals, but you are changing them even more then the "Special" editions. Because you need to make all six "films" seem cohesive. So you get a new Bobafat voice, and you change dialogue between the emperor and Vader in Empire. You even add a gungin at the end of Jedi declaring "WEESSAAA FWEEEE." Even the original artwork has been pushed aside for hideous graphics that imitate the DVD's of "those which shall not be named"

So Lucas, on this day that geeks everywhere are lining up to make you even more money, I choose to defy you! I will not give in to the dark side, because the force is strong with me. And if Star Wars isn't a democracy, then I'm moving to another star system!!!

Release the original films on DVD or die. It is a simple request.

I leave you with these thoughts of a once and great philosopher. For I think they apply to you.

"For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless."
- Master Yoda


a former fan.

P.S. Have fun fucking up Indie 4.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Back by popular demand. Cheese Friday!!!

I'm so happy I could cry, but I won't.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Something To Check Out

My second day in Chicago is documented in this very visual posting:


I am in pain.

The number one reason why you should never go, "commando".


Toby On Tour 2004 Day 1, Part 2

Nels met me at O'Hare. I haven't seen that airport in 10 years and I could go another 10 with no problems. I must admit that being back in Chicago did give me a bit of a giddy feeling.

TRAFFIC makes that feeling go away. Like a native would, Nels knows all the tricks. Most of these tricks seem to involve small, narrow poorly maintained streets and a large population of people who have no respect for the awesome damage that a Ford Ranger could wrench upon their little bodies. What we in California describe as jaywalking, has been elevated to a new and horrific level. Competitive Road Blocking. All you need to play is a metal plate in your head and none of the sense that was in your head before the plate was installed. Nels traversed the potholes like a pro, but to my dismay refused to hit any of folks who were "Just asking for it".

PLANNING is not my strong suit, ask anyone. Go ahead, I'll wait.

PLANNING is not my strong suit. However I think I can see a plan and tell you where the holes are. Today I was a hole spotting, patch'em-up fool. And then we got an e-mail from Dean Richards, the entertainment reporter from Channel 9!!!!

BRIEF SIDENOTE: If you were in Chicago in the 80's.... Channel 9 for craps sake!! networks rise and fall but Channel 9? Empire carpets jingle... "588 2300 EMPIRE!!" and the "Kids of Chicago, havin' a good time, they're all watchin'... CHANNEL 9" jingle have their own rooms in the soup bowl that is my mind.

SO, Channel Freakin' 9 might want to cover the festival. I had carpet bombed Chicago's media outlets last month with little success. There was talk of a guest appearance on Kup's Show but it fell through since Irving R. Kupcinet passed away last November (if you aren't from Chicago, that joke went WAY over your head, but if you know who Joe Franklin is, you get the idea).

IT'S 3:30 local time (only 1:30 on my coast) but I'm really tired. Maybe its because I'm trying to kick this sore throat, maybe its just because I've had a lot stuff to do. It might be the strange relief from the stress of the last few... daysweeksmonthsyears... I don't know. But I do know that tomorrow I'm gonna meet Dean Richards from Channel 9, a few photos will be taken (I don't know Dean, but CHANNEL 9!!!) and then I'm just gonna stop by WTTW Chicago's PBS affiliate and drop off a few comp passes for the folks that make Image Union, a show that blew my mind at the tender age of 12 or 13 when staying up after Dr. Who was a bold endeavor. Right now I feel like Abe Frohman, the Sausage King of Chicago (insert your filthy jokes if you wish), not even Edward J. Rooney can wipe the grin from my face.

AND I am exausted, so please forgive the typos.


Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Toby On Tour, 2004 Day 1

Title: From John Wayne Airport (SNA) 7:52am

Posting may be delayed due to lack of modern necessitiies!
No free Wifi AND the indignity of additional security!
Flying has truly become a pain in the butt. At least I was really early.

Jason T. was a lifesaver, giving me a ride to the airport (what was I thinking I was gonna do?) he even stopped by McDonalds so now I've got a wicked case of the coffee sweats. That must be why I was pulled for an additional security check. The check was painless but I had to wait for ages because the couple in front of me (combined age 204) had so many body parts that had been replaced by titanium that the security guys couldn't do a complete scan of me without getting false positives from them. This is not a joke, all the security folks were rolling their eyes, trying to find a loophole that would allow them to just roll the couple along without punching their boarding passes. Mind you it didn't help matters that the lady in the couple (at their age I would just have to take her word for it) thought they were going to Atlanta, whereas the man (ditto on the ID thing) thought they were going somewhere else and the person who dropped them off had already left (no doubt to make sure that the life insurance policies were up-to-date).


UPDATE: Guy has just informed me the air traffic over the southland has been frozen or diverted, looks like I was lucky to get out when I did.

Monday, September 13, 2004

FLASH: Sucker Steals MY Identity - Ha Ha Ha!

I just got a call from George at my bank. Really nice guy but it seems that we're always talking when it's bad news.

Usually I'm overdrawn and George is nice enough to assume that I made a small bookkeeping error and we fix it right up. This time George was delivering the bad news. I am the victim of identity theft.

My debit card (what I carry in lieu of cash) may have been compromised and has therefore been cancelled. My new card will arrive right around halfway through my trip to Chicago or more accurately, right in the middle of me not being able to get it.

This means that except for a $20 bill that Craig gave me for my birthday, I have no cash or access to it on the eve of my big trip. GREAT

Not that there is any money in my account anyway but now the checks that I am waiting for, and hoping Guy can deposit in my absence, will contain funds that are off limits until this is resolved.GREAT

George also mentioned that there may be as many as 5 or 6 million victims in this particular case, since it seems databases has been compromised.GREAT

I only hope that SBC and Nextel are as prosaic about this turn of events as I am, because I can't pay them, GREAT


Saturday, September 11, 2004

I don't know why I am bothering, but...

Friday has come and gone and one thing is seriously vexing me.

Yo, what happened to the cheese?

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I, the Jury...

13 months ago I sat on a Jury, it had been about 2 years since the last time I had sat on a jury. I'm all for civil duty, responsibility to the body politic and what-have-you, but I think I'm carrying someone else's load too.
The thing that really blows is that to get out of it you have to admit that you are and idiot (which so far I refuse to do) or that sitting in judgment of your fellow will create an unfair economic burden on you because you are practically destitute (while this is true in my case, it is also private none o'yer damn business kind of information and what's it to ya, judge?).
Meanwhile I know full well that many of The Thursday Knights have never served on a jury and have never even been called.

What gives?

Tossed up by numbersix.