Russians Lead US in Fat Baby Technology Race?

REPUBLIC OF GEORGIA, (AP)
Sergei Booblebelli is the proud papa of Georgia's biggest little citizen. Blobski Booblebelli tips the scales at a robust 55 pounds but is only 15 months old, and the family couldn't be happier.
"That's my boy" said Sergei, 35 an unemployed electrician and amateur comedian.
During the cold war, Soviet scientists had worked in secret on a 'super-sized soldier' program rumored to be based on the American 'Super Soldier Project' that yielded Captain America and The Chippendale Dancers. The Soviets abandoned their program in the mid-70's with few successes and several crushing failures, namely Yakov Smirnoff and Cousin Balky from ABC-TV's 'Perfect Strangers'.

"I was one of the super-babies" brags Sergei, one of the last of the experiment's subjects, "I am normal, but my boy he is a whopper. In America you can go to Burger King and get a Whopper™, but in Russia, Burger King comes to your house and empties your refrigerator... what a country!"

Pentagon scientist Ernest Goodfoote refuted Booblebelli's claims and declared that Blobski is in fact a 27 year-old obese midget from Kiev. "These reds, they try this bunk all the time" said Goodfoote in a telephone interview, "Now, sure they got a lead on us as far as midgets go, but the US is second to none in fat baby technology... Second to none!!".

Little Blobski seems to have no 'super' powers at this time but, according to his father, can make an entire turkey drumstick disappear in under thirty seconds.