CBS announces the December 6th broadcast of the 2005 Victoria's Secret Fashion show will be the first in its new Pixelvision 360™ format.
"The Colombia Broadcasting System is committed to developing cutting edge technology in order to provide the viewing public with the highest quality family programming possible for free!" raves new CBS Vice President of Standards and Practices Abner Q. Fussybottom. "Not even the largest of nipples can evade our new process, thus ensuring families will be safe for any and all sorts wardrobe malfunctions or other lascivious acts so common on other networks!" declared Mr. Fussybottom to nods of approval among several high-ranking members of the FCC in attendance. Mr Fussybottom, now sweating profusely, continued, "In these difficult times it is imperative that we do our utmost to combat the moral decay that threatens the very fabric of our society, lest those who would destroy us may use our towering technological achievements against us!" As Mr. Fussybottom finished, he thrust his fist in the air. Red, white, and blue balloons fell from the rafters to the tune of Bruce Springsteen's Born In The USA* blasted forth from the public address system. When order was restored Mr. Fussybottom added that the first fifteen seasons of Murder, She Wrote will be available for download on Apple's iTunes service in January. Mr Fussybottom then left the podium and discretely placed a call to his broker to sell all of his outstanding Viacom shares immediately.
*The version used in the George H. W. Bush presidential campaign with the second verse editied out. Something about "Killing the yellow man" or Viet Nam or something. Not a big Springsteen fan, sorry.
-Submitted by Scotty "nipple" Francisco
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