You think its easy? Being sasquatch? Big foot? The abominable snowman? Well you're wrong buddy. It ain't easy. It's the pits. Between the government actions that destroy my forest home, to those crazies who are always trying to take their picture with me, life can get pretty exhausting. I mean, come on, you get caught taking a crap in the woods once, and suddenly you're a friggin tabloid super star. These lunatics are always approaching me, trying to draw up contracts so that they are the only ones allowed to photograph me. Those guys from the Sun, Weekly World News, and the Enquirer can all kiss my hairy ass.
I know what you're thinking. What's the big deal? Let 'em take your picture! But it's a little more complicated then that. See if more and more people get proof that I exist, then ambitious scientists and sleazy government agents are gonna start hanging around my backyard. They're gonna want to strap a tracking device on me, and the government will probably try and make me move to a zoo, or worse… I just can't have that happen.
I've been planning this vacation now for a very long time. There's this little hideaway resort in Alaska that I like to go to whenever I can get away. I'm buddies with the owner and he gives me a pretty good deal on a room. It is very exclusive, and its great for people who want to keep a low profile like myself. My old friend Nessie hangs out beachfront, and my other pal the Jersey Devil usually stays in the room next to mine. The weather's just perfect come June, it gets up to 70 some days which is perfect for me, cause I'm stuck with this fur coat whether I like it or not. I'm gonna sit here a little while longer, enjoy my drink, and look out on the water. Later, I may head over to Elvis' bungalo. That dude knows how to throw a party.
1 comment:
Nice.
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