Now Tweeting!

As a desperate attempt to keep up with the flow of progress (and all the hip stuff that the kids are into) The Smart Patrol is now followable on Twittter.

Yes, now you have virtually no excuse for not checking in with your favorite Suburban Robots That Monitor Reality.

For those of you who are not familiar with Twitter it's a new-fangled mash up of the intarwebs and the tubes and the Mtv Video Games that gives those who have little (or nothing) to say even more powerful ways of not saying it. Oh Happy Day!

Seriously, it's a way that you can keep in touch with friends and loved ones (which is where I include The Smart Patrol) in groups or individually via the web or even via SMS text messaging.

If you decide to follow us (that's the term that Twitter uses, no Kool-Aid required) then whenever one of our contributors puts up something that you're sure to enjoy you will recieve a Tweet (another of their terms) and a link to our newest entry. Even on your iPhone, Blackberry, or BrandX Wireless Telephoning device.

All part of The Smart Patrol Entertainment Guarantee*, and always at no charge to you.

thePrisoner (is a tweet)

www.twitter.com/thesmartpatrol
*Guarantee not available in North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Oceana, Narnia, Africa, Australia, Dopey, Sneezy and Doc.

Merry Xmas!!!

Wishing all the best to you and yours.





-Mr. DNA and the Smart Patrol family.

Look At Me, I'm Cheesy!!

I just watched the latest episode of LA Ink, one of the guys getting a tattoo this week was a former client named Bobby Waldron and while he was getting the tat he actually mentioned the Belly Burner (his product) and they showed a clip of the commercial I directed. Seconds later he referred to it as 'cheesy' but frankly, I'll take what I can get! Someone once said that there's no such thing as bad publicity... right?

Look, I even clipped it out so you don't have to watch the whole mess, uh awesome show that I love and respect... and stuff.

thePrisoner (craves recognition & validation)

Why I'll Be Alone Again For Christmas...

I always do better on multiple choice, not 'fill-in-the-blank'.

thePrisoner (lied on the application)

as seen on failblog

Hey look another video! (Keywords "Prop 8")

We here at The Smart Patrol voted No on 8. And when I say "we" I mean me, because I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who actually voted.

-Mr. DNA (votes)

Do you REALLY Like Football?

This guy does.

Do you need a good cry?

This is the kind of movie that I can only watch at 1:00AM after everyone is asleep.
What? No, not because I would cry!

I just need to be alone when I scream at the TV.


-Mr. DNA

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

Just watch, it makes sense.

Cheese Friday? No but it IS yellow.

Mr.DNA is in Pittsburgh this weekend. Rumor has it that The Tank has a couple of shows out in Iron City (thank you wikipedia).
As he was walking the streets, no doubt in search of some delicious
native Pittsburgh grub (a Pittsburgher?, I have no idea) he saw and snapped a
photo of this little bugger. Honda's Big Ruckus scooter is a personal
favorite of mine and the fact that there's one there makes me think
that Pittsburgh is probably an OK city after all. 

Not wild about that seat cover tho' ;)

thePrisoner (covets the Big Ruckus)

Tony Shreds Trabuco Canyon.

Strap on the VR goggles, you're on the Silverado Trail!
Yes now you can follow Tony thru the twists and turn of the canyon... it's just like StarTours, only different!

thanks to our buddies at TotalRuckus.com and specifically drewbroni who shot this video.

Someone

I think you're great.

Cheese Friday™ Halloween!

Picture from sugar-cookie

Don't be scared. Keep moving along.

iPhone Email Revelation.

Good for her.  Seriously.

Thanks junk mail!

thePrisoner (also craps for free)

Dolemite - R.I.P.

Dolemite with his "All Girl Army of Kung Fu Killers" forever shaped my world.

"That's for FuOOing with me, you no-business, born insecure, Mother FuOOers!!"

Truthiness or Bullschnicketiness?

Even if that's true, you are a jackass, sir!

Have You Seen This Cat?

I wish that I had thought of this.

thePrisoner (Have you seen this Prisoner?)

Holy Balls!!! The End Is Near!

Chimp on a Segway... Next thing you know they get AK-47's and it's all over.

Kids

After my son came home from Kindergarten today I started making his lunch as he ran to the bathroom to wash up. After a couple of minutes he yelled from the bathroom,

"Dad, come quick! My poop smells like a burrito!"


I politely declined the offer.


-Mr. DNA (might rethink having burritos for dinner tonight)

Swear Jar

This will make you fu*kin' smile.

Something to think about

XKCD



-Mr. DNA (shudders to think)

Cheese Friday™ : It's Back!!!

Hey all.

Cheese Friday™ never really went anywhere. It just wasn't mentioned here in this blog.


So are you ready to test your knowledge of Cheese?

No?

Okay, well, are you ready to see if you can score higher than me?


Ready to take the challenge? Click here.


What to see another puppy? Click here.




-Mr. DNA (wants to thank Jocko-Homo and ZupeZee for reminding him of the importance of Cheese)

Hey look another video!

I saw this last month and thought about posting it, but figured none of our 3 readers would even know who Minor Threat was. But I've decided to to post it anyway just to give the appearance of this blog being alive.

It's Ben Kinsley as Ian MacKaye. Watch and be... Well you be the judge.



Would you like to know what Ian thinks about all this? Click here.
Have no idea who Minor Threat is? Click here.

Want to see a puppy? Click Here.


-Mr. DNA (thinks puppies are cute. It's crazy, I know.)

Sarah Silverman. She says stuff.

Sarah likes Barack Obama and hopes your Jewish grandparents, who live in Florida, do too.

Sadly my grandparents aren't Jewish or living in Florida. I feel left out.
Also my grandparents are dead, so it makes me miss them.

: (

DAMN YOU SARAH SILVERMAN!!!!




-Mr. DNA (wonders what Jimmy Kimmel thinks. Hmmmm)

I saw this...

-Mr. DNA (Hey, at least I posted something!)

And home again.

O'Hare Airport, the end of Chicago for another year, some laughter,
some tears and a lot of late nights. I still have a lot of the
frustrations and disappointments that I have every year after the
fest, but it's time to put those away and think about going home.

Editor's note:

The following posts are from thePrisoner. He's in Chicago helping run the Chicago International Reel Shorts Festival. This is a Film Festival that - as the name states - showcases short films from around the world.

thePrisoner sometimes forgets we have a couple of readers that don't know us (see contributor list to the right) in the real world. Sometimes he posts stuff without much explanation because maybe he assumes people will take the time to google things like "CIRSF 2008"? I'm not really sure why, but I just appreciate that he's posting something.

I figure I'll pipe in here and there with an explanation or spell checking/typo correction to help YOU, the reader, make sense of it all.

Please enjoy his many adventures in the Chicago film fest world.

-Mr. DNA (never gets to go to Chicago)

The Last Show of the Show

We finished our shows at Columbia College.  Sunday was not as dreadful as it seemed to start out.  The weather was not great but we pulled in some decent audiences for the shows.  After the 6 o'clock show at Columbia we had to pack up fast to haul across the city to Mahoney's for our "Best of the Fest" show which is a more informal screening.  Mahoney's is owned by the same people the own Mother's and they have a similar setup for playing video.  We assemble a show that's more just for us to thank the filmmaker's for showing up and give them an opportunity to buy us a beer for our efforts.

Good job we ran a tab, just in case.

So now the fest is over for another year.

I'll try to post a wrap-up and some more photos in the nex day or so, but right now I'm a little tired.

 

Sunday: 100% Chance of Apocalypse.

Rain... Wind... Let's go into the city to see some short films.

Saturday Night: Trolley Ride!!

For the second year we are happy to offer the filmmakers an unusual
and uniquely Chicagoan experience. A trolley tour of the city, some
Chicago pizza and some beer.
Torrential rain optional.

Saturday... Not off to the best start.

Sales are down, rain is up.
Lesson learned today, heavy inclusion of local filmmakers
does not always result in big ticket sales. Or even filmmakers
showing up to support themselves...

As Milli (or was it Vanilli) once said,
"Gotta blame it something. Blame it on the rain"

Lake Shore Drive... And Rain.

A lot of rain could really hurt attendance.
This is a lot of rain.

Friday

Technically our opening night. Tonight's show was at Columbia College
on Wabash. Turnout was beyond our expectations which is exciting but
also a little nervous making.
These are our volunteers for the fest.

Riding The Bus.

Our first show is tonight at The Original Mother's on Division. Unlike
our usual A/V setup

Real!

As seen in the print version of the onion.

I Work Here!!

This Must Be The Place.

Work work work.

We have an audience award for each screening, I'm preparing the ballots.

It takes a while, the paper cutter is not sharp.

This is only one of the many glamourous jobs I do during the fest.

Presenting The Birthday Socks!!: in color

Presenting... The Birthday Socks!!

Day 3 of the Chicago Trip:

Something few people ever mention about Chicago is the lack of
adequate water pressure. Also the hard water, or the soft water I can
never get a straight answer about how that works. Anyway after not
having a lot of foam action in the shower this morning I was very
happy to put on a super comfy brand new pair of socks I got for my
birthday... Good times!!

Right Now...

People are having sex in that room.
I am not in that room.
I am outside, accidentally overhearing people having sex in that room.

I'm in charge.

Did you ever have that dream where the bartender steps outside for a
smoke with a buddy and says to you...

"You're in charge, 'till I get back".

Seriously, the place is all mine. They've been gone 15 minutes. I
hope someone comes in so I can serve them.

Welcome to Chicago... where's your umbrella?

I didn't pack for this.

My view for 2000 miles.

The movie screen is on the other side of this guy's ear.
This flight is packed.

No movie for me.

CIRSF 2008

It's 5:25 and no matter what, I'm gonna havta check my bag.
Coffee sounds good right now.

UPDATED: CIRSF is the acronym for The Chicago International REEL Shorts Festival, a film festival that I have been involved with since 2004.  Although I review films from my estate in California, I travel to Chicago for the screenings and other events.  For the next 8 days I'll be posting from Chicago.  ENJOY

The Other Side Of "Music" Vol. 1

In my effort to be a part of the site again, I've decided on contributing that which I know best - weird crap.

I spend a lot of time late night / early morning time looking for bizarre and strange "music" from around the interwebs and within the mounds of stuff I have already.

No panicking now, most will be links to other sites, not direct downloads. Let's start with this one...

Brian Joseph Davis has decided to take 10 albums that were banned somewhere at some point on Earth - burn them (yes as in fire) - then record the results he could peel off the remains.

(A word of advice - keep the lights on, they're a bit creepy)

Listen & Discuss

Not throwing in the towel yet...

We've just been slacking a little.

The second half of summer was full of so much to do in the real world, that we've neglected our internet lives. But trust me we haven't forgotten you, our 3 faithful readers. We'll be back. Hopefully sooner than later.

The Orange County Fair's theme this year was "Say Cheese". I'm still recovering.

-Mr. DNA (misses you)

Looks like and end to all the shenanigans...

Bennigan's, Steak & Ale Close, 
File for Bankruptcy Protection

By JEFFREY MCCRACKEN and JANET ADAMY
July 29, 2008 12:47 p.m.

National restaurant chains Bennigan's and Steak & Ale have closed their doors and filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection, shuttering more than 300 locations and letting go of thousands of employees.

It is one of the country's largest restaurant bankruptcies and eliminates two sit-down chains that have been part of the casual-dining landscape for decades. The chains will liquidate and aren't likely to re-open.

Late Monday, managers at Bennigan's and Steak & Ale were told not to open restaurants the next day, according to two people familiar with the matter. Employees were told there wouldn't be enough money to pay them for the rest of the week, these people said.

Only Tchochkies and Flingers remain

a long wait for no pretzel!

Mr. Kamikaze waits patiently for the concession stand operators to pull their heads out of their butts.
Unfortunately, I think we're all still waiting.

I don't care, I still want one.

Crayon Disobedience

(Seen on a gas pump at my local Arco gas station.)

It's the little things that make me smile.




-Mr DNA (would like to smile more)

Thanks For Spoiling the Ending. :'(

Cheese Friday™ : It's the 4th of July!

What ever happened I apologize
so dry your tears, and baby
walk outside, it's the Fourth of July

-Mr. DNA

As it turns out, you CAN live without your cup of overpriced coffee

Image source: Kieron Dwyer, http://www.illegal-art.org/ .

Starbucks to Close 600 Stores, May Cut 12,000 Jobs

By Duane D. Stanford and Joseph Galante

July 1 (Bloomberg) -- Starbucks Corp. will close 600 U.S. coffee shops and eliminate as many as 12,000 jobs, the most in its history, as Chief Executive Officer Howard Schultz slows the chain's expansion after it doubled in size in four years...

...Starbucks' sales and earnings have declined as cash- strapped consumers facing record gasoline prices pull back on gourmet coffee and other luxuries. The company still plans to open 200 other company-owned stores through September 2009.

At first I thought it was funny.
But then I thought about all the real people who may be out of a job.
It made me sad.

So I've decided to pretend that Starbucks only employs evil robots.
Ha ha! Suck it evil robots and your overpaid mechanized overlords!



-Mr. DNA (likes nice robots)

DANCE BREAK

Give us 2:59 and we'll give you the world.*

*World not included.

Cheese Friday™ : Etymology of Cheese

From Wikipedia.org

"The origin of the word cheese appears to be the Latin caseus,^[2] from which the modern word casein is closely derived. The earliest source is probably from the proto-Indo-European root *kwat-, which means "to ferment, become sour".

In the English language, the modern word cheese comes from chese (in Middle English) and cīese or cēse (in Old English). Similar words are shared by other West Germanic languages — West Frisian tsiis, Dutch kaas, German Käse, Old High German chāsi — all of which probably come from the reconstructed West-Germanic root *kasjus, which in turn is an early borrowing from Latin.

The Latin word caseus is also the source from which are derived the Spanish queso, Portuguese queijo, Malay/Indonesian Language keju (a borrowing from the Portuguese word queijo), Romanian caş and Italian cacio.

The Celtic root which gives the Irish cáis and the Welsh caws are also related.

When the Romans began to make hard cheeses for their legionaries' supplies, a new word started to be used: formaticum, from caseus formatus, or "molded cheese". It is from this word that we get the French fromage, Italian formaggio, Catalan formatge, Breton fourmaj and Provençal furmo. Cheese itself is occasionally employed in a sense that means "molded" or "formed". Head cheese uses the word in this sense."

There won't be a test later, but you should still pay attention.

Only learning things that, "are on the test", may not be the best philosophy in the long run.

Knowledge purely for self enrichment is a nice thing to have in our lives.

-Mr. DNA (doesn't always answer "C")

The Smart Patrol goes political

Supreme Court Backs Right to Bear Arms

Dick Anthony Heller (R), 66, an armed security guard, speaks outside the Supreme Court of the United States in Washington, D.C. USA on 26 June 2008. The court handed down a decision today upholding the right of individual American citizens to own firearms for self-defense and hunting. Heller sued the District of Columbia for the right to keep a gun in his home. EPA/STEFAN ZAKLIN

Somewhere Charlton Heston's hairpiece is smiling.



We now return you to our regularly scheduled programing...

-Mr. DNA

George Carlin

1937 - 2008

Cheese Friday™ : Science!

Q: How do you make the perfect Cheese sandwich?
A: With a mathematical formula, of course!



Click here for the full story or click the above pic for an online calculator (really).


-Mr. DNA (don't know much about a Science book)

Cheese Friday™ : Some music video

-Mr. DNA (Meow?)

If you watch this and don't laugh, you are dead.

Monkey Bush?

This is a stuffed animal. It belongs to my son.
Now is it just me, or does it bear a striking resemblance to our Commander in Chief?



-Mr. DNA (is not running for office)

Ink-and-Iron Festival: Tattoo & Kustom Kulture Weekend

Last weekend Jason and I went to the Ink-and-Iron Festival at Long Beach's Queen Mary. It was a lot of fun but the emphasis was more on the ink than the iron. Jason's Dad is considering getting a tattoo and Jason wanted to vet potential artists. I'm not tattoo'd myself but enjoy the culture so it was pretty cool.



Adam joined us on Saturday and I think it was a really good time. You could tell he was itching to get another tattoo, and I soon realized that Jason was too. Truth to tell, I was getting a bi nervous that I was going to be peer-pressured into getting something done, just to be one of the 'cool kids'.

Adam was hungover.

If you've ever been to the Queen Mary then you'll know that it's right by the hanger formerly occupied by The Spruce Goose, which is huge. I thought that the lion's share of the car and kustom culture stuff would be in there. I really wanted to see some pinstripers and maybe get something to go with the toolbox I picked up in Vegas. It turns out that the hangar was just for bands, practically empty, and a bit of a disappointment. Because we'd run around the tattoo stuff so much (Adam has no shopping strategy) we didn't have a lot of time to check out the cars and stuff anyway.

"I'm a cool kid"

The next day Jason returned to the show with his Dad in tow. I guess Tom saw some pieces that he liked and some artists that he'd consider. However it was Jason that plunked down some bucks and got himself a new piece.

What a Wookie!

And I have to say that it's pretty friggin' cool. I don't want to be there when his hair starts growing back and he's bitching about the itching. But for now, enjoy the new ink.

ThePrisoner (ink free)